More Than Enough by Elaine Welteroth

Author:Elaine Welteroth
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2019-06-10T16:00:00+00:00

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FUTURE HUSBAND TOOK ME shopping for “interview shoes” at Bergdorf’s. He sat back on the sofa watching me parade around, trying on heels, and silently slipped his credit card to the customer service lady with a wink. I walked out with my first pair of Louboutins; they were vanilla nude patent leather, and six inches tall with a modest platform. I could tell it made him feel like a man to wield his money and intercede on my behalf in this way. It felt unnatural to me, but I played right into it like a lapdog, grateful for his affection, performing for his approval, eager to please him with overt displays of my gratitude. The memory makes me cringe now—but back then it was like living out the ultimate Sex and the City scene. This was what women are taught to want.

We are also conditioned to seek financial security and a sense of stability in a husband. After facing some measure of financial insecurity growing up and feeling hindered by the unpredictable behavior of the men in my life, I wanted to be taken care of by a man in a way I had not ever experienced firsthand before.

I already had everything I needed to be the breadwinner of my own life—but I didn’t know it yet.

A few months later, Future Husband accepted a big job offer in Connecticut and earned a swift promotion to chief of staff to the CEO of a Fortune Global 100 company. We were suddenly thrust into a long-distance relationship. And at twenty-four, I was thrust into the role of CEO-Wife-in-Training.

“Could you ever host my CEO and our leadership team at our home?” Future Husband asked me out of the blue one Sunday afternoon.

It felt formal, like an interview question. Something in me wanted to have the right answer.

“Of course. I mean, I could figure it out,” I fumbled through my response, trying to play it off as if the stakes weren’t as high as they felt. “I would probably just order in a nice spread. But sure, yes, I could definitely entertain them.”

The seemingly innocuous challenges kept coming: insidious tests of my intelligence. Of my homemaking ability. Of my sophistication.

“Do you consider yourself an intellectual?”

“Who would you say are your smartest friends?”

“Why don’t you ever notice the things I like to eat and fill your fridge with them before I visit you?”

It always felt bigger than just his questions, though—he was digging into something deeper about the type of woman I was, assessing whether I could be a worthy partner in his life. He emailed me a story about the best indicators for a man’s success, whether in the boardroom or on the football field. The number one indicator was the wife he chose. I felt like I was being groomed and evaluated for a supporting character role in this much bigger life he was pursuing, but somehow I wasn’t quite measuring up.

This was around the time Future Husband decided to take his mother and a female coworker to a big event at the UN.

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