More Than a Match by Michael Smalley & Amy Smalley

Author:Michael Smalley & Amy Smalley [Smalley, Michael & Smalley, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2009-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

WHEN IT’S NOT WORKING OUT

You and a lovely woman go out on a few dates, which means you’ve gotten to know each other better. Now some red flags are flapping in the breeze. For instance, she wonders why the quarterback doesn’t just kick the ball into the end zone, and she has never set foot inside a Mexican restaurant. She doesn’t believe in shaving her legs, and her DVD collection includes every Demi Moore movie ever made. When you’re together, you pick up on her attitude, prompting you to wonder why her mother didn’t name her Always, as in Always Right.

She’s noticing a few things as well, like the last time you dropped by her apartment and shared a delivery pizza with her, you used her hair as dental floss. She found out that your mother still irons your underwear and that your idea of a fun Sunday afternoon is watching bass-fishing derbies on ESPN2. She’s never seen the inside of your place because “it still needs straightening up,” and your idea of a Saturday night on the town is stopping at a SONIC Drive-In for a corn dog.

As Yankee catcher Yogi Berra once said, “You can observe a lot by watching,” and dating partners on both sides of the table need to be observant after a relationship has started. No matter how compatible an online dating service says you are or how many interests match up perfectly like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, your eyes need to be wide open—because if you don’t like what you see or what you hear, you should be thinking exit strategy.

People come in various ways to the realization that a relationship should not continue. Maybe the phone calls and text messages have slowed to a trickle, the excuses about being busy have increased, and you’re left with a sense that you’re closer to the end than to the beginning of the relationship. If you’re honest with yourself, you could say that she’s just not that into you, to play off the title of a popular book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Behrendt says, “If a sane guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.”1

So whether she’s not that into you or you realize that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life watching Demi Moore movies, it’s time to break off the relationship and cut your emotional losses. Breaking up correctly can be just as important as finding the right person, which is why we want to talk about how to break up in a way that honors your dating partner.

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