Mono in a Poly World: What to Do When Your Partner Is Polyamorous and You Aren't by Ozga Tazmyn

Author:Ozga, Tazmyn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pen and Enterprises
Published: 2021-02-28T00:00:00+00:00

Safer Sex

There’s a wide range in how people in the poly community handle safer sex. You’ll need to give some thought and discussion to the subject. Having multiple relationships increases the risks around sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and what one person does can have a ripple effect on many others. Imagine one man with two partners. Maybe each of those partners has one or two partners, who also have one or two partners. If the man engages in unsafe sex practices and is not honest and open about it, his actions have the potential to affect many.

The important elements in making agreements about safer sex practices are communication, consent, honesty and openness, but also trust. Trust is the hidden element, the tough one, since you can’t know for sure what your partner is doing when they are with another partner. You need to have a strong foundation with a partner and they need to be in a relatively good state of mental health in order to build trust. A common saying about this is “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Unfortunately, many of us have lived through breaches in trust in our relationships, and it takes much work and commitment to rebuild trust. Sometimes broken trust breaks everything.

Neither I nor anyone else can tell you the right safer sex practices for you and your partner. This is where you need to do your research and find your own comfort level. What will work for you?

For instance, do you need all parties to be tested before intimacy happens? Do you need to see the results of the test? How often should testing be done?

Do you need an agreement that condoms or other barriers be used? Are you okay with bare hands on genitals, or oral sex without barriers? (Some people use gloves, condoms, dental dams or plastic wrap.)

These are good places to start. Do your research. Don’t compromise your health for anyone else, or allow others to guilt you into relaxing your boundaries. Find the risks you are comfortable with and work through them with your partner.

Apart from the emotional aspects of breaking a sexual agreement, a breach can have physical consequences. All partners need to be notified and encouraged to be tested, as well as any partners they have who may be affected.

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