Moms Don't Have Time To by Zibby Owens

Author:Zibby Owens
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781510765979
Publisher: Skyhorse
Published: 2020-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

I couldn’t control the chaos of having twins. I couldn’t absorb the shock of going from being an overachiever to spending my days on the playroom floor, longing for the time when I could just get to sleep again. But losing weight gave me a quantifiable goal.

The real test, of course, was seeing if the scale had gone down. Once a week, I would stand in my mother’s bathroom, which smelled like Pond’s cold cream and Nivea lotion, and step on her doctor’s scale. I’d nudge the black markers right or left until the pendulum balanced and stopped wavering up and down. I always wanted to push it farther and father left. Never mind that I was still growing. I wanted to fit in with my waiflike friends. I wanted my body to look like theirs; perhaps then I would be completely accepted.

For the next thirty years, I tried every diet and exercise fad imaginable while ricocheting up and down five, ten, fifteen, or twenty pounds, all within a tight range like a Ping-Pong ball going back and forth over the net of a faded table. Atkins. Step aerobics. Carbohydrate Addicts. Tae bo. A clinic on 63rd Street that gave me “vitamins.” HIIT. It was never enough. If only I could lose a few pounds, I could remove the shackle of shame I felt was constantly wrapped around my neck like a Parisian woman’s scarf. I was embarrassed by the outward display of my inner mess. I wanted to at least look like I had it all together when inside I was worried, anxious, and trying to find my place in the world.

After business school in 2003, I became a Weight Watchers addict and adhered so strictly to the program that I lost thirty pounds and even became a Leader, running meetings all over New York City to spread the gospel. I counted Points and wrote down every food I ate for almost ten years, through three pregnancies and four kids. I couldn’t get over the joy I felt that there actually was a solution! Something that worked. I couldn’t control the chaos of having twins. I couldn’t absorb the shock of going from being an overachiever to spending my days on the playroom floor, longing for the time when I could just get to sleep again. But losing weight gave me a quantifiable goal. Something for me. Something to aspire to when grades and salary and all other external measures of success suddenly evaporated.

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