Marriage Rescue by Gary Direnfeld

Author:Gary Direnfeld [Direnfeld, Gary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780882824314
Publisher: New Horizon Press

AFFAIRS AND VALUES

An affair abuses one’s spiritual self and relationship with a higher power, if one’s beliefs include a higher power. If the subject of the affair also has children, the affair wreaks havoc on that person’s relationship with his or her children. It undermines the person’s view of him or herself as a moral role model who must lead his or her children through adolescence, which includes developing, learning about and managing social and special relationships. And if or when a child has difficulty in a relationship, what will the parent as a role model of infidelity provide as an example?

While there are always those who say their current relationships began as affairs and they work well for them, for the vast majority, this situation does not. Of those who extol the virtue of relationships that began as affairs, their tune quite often changes. And if they show favor toward their affairs, then ask them to look beyond their immediate selves to the social ripples cast from the relationships made of their affairs. Are their other relationships intact? Do they all get along well with their parents? Is their relationship fully accepted by all? Do their children speak to them? Has the prior spouse/partner moved on or is this other person still recovering from the loss of a sacred trust, a trust gone awry? All too often people delude themselves that relationships begun as affairs are wholesome and without lasting consequences. Upon closer scrutiny this is rarely the case but may appear so to the actors within, whose fragile senses of themselves require more limited visions of success.

When a partner goes on to cheat again, this time on you, should you really be surprised? The best predictor of future behavior is prior behavior, particularly if the prior behavior has not been addressed and has not been remediated. It is a terrible fall from grace when a person who entered a relationship based on an affair loses that relationship based on yet another affair, this one perpetrated against that person. As the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

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