Manslations by Mac Jeff

Author:Mac, Jeff [Mac, Jeff]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
Published: 2008-12-31T13:00:00+00:00

And the two go together, hand in glove. If a man is getting regular, fantastic sex, it might just make him think, “Good Lord, I am a god. I can do anything. I bet I could consolidate all the steel companies into one giant corporation!”

On the other hand, it can go the other way as well. “I swear to God, if I don't get some action sometime very soon, I am going to deforest the entire state of Minnesota.”

Now, this can refer to literal tools, as in that 111-piece screwdriver set that he wants, even if he has no intention of screwing in 111 things in his lifetime. Or that Dremel tool that… I don't know what it does. I'm not even sure what it is. But it has, like, seventy-five uses or something, and I kind of want one.

But a “tool” could really be anything that gives him a powerful advantage over the modern-day equivalent of saber-toothed tigers. For example, the computer.

The advent of computers as a part of our day-to-day lives has… okay, sorry. Suddenly this turned into an article in the New Yorker. The computer is the pointy stick that brings down the mastodon. It's the wheel. It's the thing that makes a guy feel like he's CAPABLE: “Check it out! I can print— WIRELESSLY—from anyplace in the house!” He now feels like the mighty god Thor, seated at the right hand of Odin in Valhalla.

The computer is a big area of misunderstanding between men and women (you can also see this with cars, home theaters, and model trains, probably). It's the idea of the best. If you spend enough time with guys who are into computers, you'll hear them fantasize about the unbelievable gear they'll have one day. You'll ask what seems to be a reasonable question, “Why do you need that? What does it do that your computer doesn't do?” This is where the answers will get a little fuzzy. It's not so much that he needs it. It's that he can't relax knowing that someone, somewhere out there, has a more awesome computer.

Another fairly common example of this is the GPS device. GPS in the car means never having to ask for directions. Why can't he ask for directions? I don't know—why do you need five pairs of nearly identical black shoes? It is what it is.

He can't just ask for the directions because—and this is important—he's not lost. Yet. He hasn't conceded defeat yet. To ask for directions is to admit that he is not as much of a badass as whichever gas station attendant he asks for help. (Jack Bauer doesn't stop to ask for advice on how to strangle someone, does he? Pff. Bet your ass he doesn't.) I know it's frustrating for you because, well, what do you care? You just want to get there, right?

So there's your solution. If your man simply will not ask for directions, buy him a cool GPS tracking system. He'll install it, and it will tell him where to turn.

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