Loving What Is, Revised Edition by Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell
Author:Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell [Katie, Byron & Mitchell, Stephen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2021-12-07T00:00:00+00:00
Heâs So Incompetent!
Gary is annoyed by his incompetent employee. Is the person who annoys you someone you work with? Or is it your spouse or your children who didnât do the dishes thoroughly enough or who left toothpaste in the bathroom sink? See if you can find an example in your life, and go inside for your own answers as Gary goes inside for his.
Gary: Iâm angry at Frank because he is incompetent when he works for me.
Katie: Okay. Frank should be competentâis it true?
Gary: I think so.
Katie: Can you absolutely know that itâs true? Whoever told you that? His résumé said âcompetent.â His recommendation said âcompetent.â Itâs all over the place. You hire him, and heâs supposed to be competent. Whatâs the reality of it in your experience? Is he?
Gary: In my experience, heâs not.
Katie: So thatâs the only place you can sanely come from: reality. Is it true that he should be competent? No. Heâs not. Thatâs it. Thatâs your reality. So we can keep going over this until we get the âIs it true?â thing, because when you understand this, you become a lover of reality and move into balance. How do you react when you believe the lie that he should be competent when he works for you and heâs not?
Gary: Itâs frustrating and anxiety producing. I feel like I have to carry his work. I have to clean up behind him every time. I canât leave him alone to do his work.
Katie: Can you see a reason to drop the thought that he should be competent? And Iâm not asking you to drop it.
Gary: It would make me feel better if I could drop it.
Katie: Thatâs a very good reason. Can you find one stress-free reason to keep this thought that opposes reality?
Gary: Yes. Well, I donât see what you mean by âopposes reality.â
Katie: The reality, as you see it, is that heâs not competent. Youâre saying he should be. That theory is not working for you, because it opposes reality. I hear you say that it causes you frustration and anxiety.
Gary: Okay, I think Iâm pulling this apart. The reality is that heâs just not competent. Whatâs making me crazy is thinking heâs supposed to be competent rather than just accepting what he is.
Katie: Heâs incompetent whether you accept it or not. Reality doesnât wait for our agreement or approval. It is what it is. You can count on it.
Gary: Reality is what is.
Katie: Yes. Reality is always much kinder than the fantasy. You can have a lot of fun at home with what I refer to as the âproof of truthâ exercise. He should be competentâwhereâs your proof? Make a list and see if any of it really proves that he should be competent when you put it up against inquiry. Itâs all a lie. There is no proof. The truth is that he should not be competent, because heâs just not. Not competent for that job.
Gary: The fact is that heâs not competent, and I do what I have to do to make up for it.
Download
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.
Codependency | Conflict Management |
Dating | Divorce |
Friendship | Interpersonal Relations |
Love & Loss | Love & Romance |
Marriage | Mate Seeking |
Doing It: Let's Talk About Sex... by Hannah Witton(8558)
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman(8519)
Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Ramani Durvasula(6794)
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck(6644)
The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols(6481)
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown(5648)
We Need to Talk by Celeste Headlee(4879)
Beartown by Fredrik Backman(4429)
Men In Love by Nancy Friday(4337)
The State of Affairs by Esther Perel(3940)
The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy(3912)
How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie(3778)
Reflections Of A Man by Mr. Amari Soul(3706)
The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy(3508)
Algedonic by r.h. Sin(3507)
Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell(3409)
Finding My Forever by Heidi McLaughlin(3311)
He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo(3307)
I Love You But I Don't Trust You by Mira Kirshenbaum(3233)