Love, Lies, and the Struggle is Real by Katie Bryan

Author:Katie Bryan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: babysitting, matchmaking, set up, Contemporary romance, Relationships > Love & Romance, romance, sports hero romance, Women's Fiction > Romance, romantic comedy, contemporary women, Contemporary Fiction > Women's Fiction, contemporary fiction, contemporary woman, family and relationships, family life, new adult, young adult, action and adventure, Sophie and Jack, Sophie and Max, absurdist, Women's fiction short stories, short stories single author, classics humor, Women's Fiction > Humor, dog humor, dating humor, Humor, Humor & Satire > Literary Humor, Literary Humor, American, World Literature > Italian, Italian, Irish, satire, small town, Genre Fiction > Small Town & Rural, small town and rural, sports hero, dog essays
Publisher: Love, Laugh, Bark Productions
Published: 2020-07-25T00:00:00+00:00

My Mom Voice Was So Loud Even My Neighbors Brushed Their Teeth And Got Dressed

SOPHIE

As I walked the dogs back inside, I heard a crash and a muffled curse come from the kitchen.

A split second later Emma decided it was time to show the world what girls were really made of. She didn’t coo. She didn’t burble. No, the little pink screamer decided to split the ozone with her loudest squall yet, which must have unnerved Hank all to heck and back because he tore out of the kitchen, raced up Max’s back, dug in and held on just before he did a double gainer off the top of Max’s head and zoomed down the hall as though he’d just been told he’d never live to yak up another hairball.

I briskly made my way into Jack’s huge kitchen, not surprised to find him bouncing Emma ineffectually in place. Emma, her face rapidly approaching the color of strained beets, was still screaming.

Sophie raised her voice to be heard above the noise. “What’s going on?”

“Hank knocked a glass into the sink. At least it didn’t break, but I think he scared one of his nine lives out of existence. Startled Emma, too,” he said over the din. “Plus, I think she’s hungry.”

Sophie looked at a yawling Emma who was trying to swallow her fist, and sighed with sympathy. “Are there more bottles? What does she eat?”

“Dottie didn’t tell me to put anything into the fridge. I don’t know if she has more bottles. I think the last time she had one was just before she got here. No idea what babies eat at this age. I can make her a sandwich.”

“Don’t be a feeble head. She only has two teeth, I don’t think she can handle a sandwich. Maybe something mushy?”

Jack muttered to himself about things I probably didn’t want to hear as he rummaged through his pantry. He finally produced a can of refried beans. “This is the mushiest food I’ve got. She’s goin’ to be floatin’ air biscuits for days.”

I took Emma from Jack so he could heat up the beans. She must have smelled them when Jack cracked the can open because she stopped her yowling, patted my face, and started gnawing on her fingers. “I saw some sort of high chair in the other room. Hold on, I’ll go get it,” I said, and wondered if beans and babies went together.

When the timer on the microwave dinged, Jack tested the temperature and slapped a glob onto a paper plate. I’d just fastened Emma into the eating table thing when Jack set the plate and a fork on the tray.

“Gah, gah, gah!” Emma exclaimed. I grabbed the fork just as she reached for it. “You can’t give her a fork, she’ll poke her eye out! Are you crazy?”

“Oh, right. And yes, I think I must be. And mental. And ass-draggin’ knackered.” He sighed and replaced the fork with a spoon.

Both dogs were sitting all pretty-pawed next to the high chair, probably hoping for a stray bean.

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