Little Tim, Big Tim by Tim Roy

Author:Tim Roy [Roy, Tim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Military, Personal Memoirs, Self-Help, Abuse
ISBN: 9780980283600
Google: yEziAAAACAAJ
Amazon: 0980283604
Publisher: JoJo Publishing
Published: 2007-01-01T13:00:00+00:00

MEMORY GAPS

BIG TIM—SOLDIER

After successfully completing the advanced demolition course, I am busy stripping and cleaning my weapon when the second in charge of the squadron comments to me that my hair is thinning out.

‘For Queen and Country Sir,’ I offer.

The exchange that follows confuses me and I’m sure my reaction leaves him completely bewildered. He bends down and whispers into my ear,

‘You aren’t the only one from the beach who is losing their hair. Andy and Jim are thinning rapidly as well. Also, Barry and Phil are now sporting a grey streak on the sides of their heads.’

He recoils when I look him in the eye and ask him,

‘What do you mean by ‘the beach’ sir?’ my question is an honest one.

His eyes search mine for some explanation. My lack of memory is real. With not a word spoken he affords me sanctuary, he understands and respects the method I have chosen to continue to function.

The attitude of, ‘I wasn’t there, it didn’t happen,’ is not created by me. It’s a phrase common to the Special Forces. Soldiers are taught how not to be controlled by stressful experiences. This phrase is a catch-cry for most, for me it’s a way of life.

At the time, I have no evidence of the missing event, or knowledge of the missing gaps in my life. The only evidence that is becoming more prominent are the times when others look and react cautiously around me, as the Captain has just done.

A true indication that I am suffering memory gaps happens when I become aware that I am on guard duty again, with no memory of being assigned the duty, if it’s a punishment, or how I got dressed and arrived in this time and space.

Silence is golden; so I keep the bewilderment of these lost events to myself Familiarity dictates that my world is just as normal or sane as everyone else’s. But as the lost time and space begins to become more frequent, even I start to question if my behaviour and relationship to the relative reality has credence. The answer to the surfacing dilemma comes in the form of an extremely dangerous act. This time not strange looks or reactions, but fear etches on the faces of those who are witness to my mental implosion.

Career suicide! I point a loaded weapon at someone else.

I am training for selection for the Counter Terrorist Team and have engaged my target with two rounds. My brain hears the order to raise weapons and engage the target to my front. I about turn and raise my weapon to face the range Safety Officer. Very calmly, he orders me to engage my safety catch and move off the range towards him. I apply my safety catch and follow his order. Travelling the short distance towards him, I then can’t remember if I have applied my safety catch and keep repeating the action until I stand in front of him and present my weapon.

‘Tim, your weapon is on fire,’ he states.

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