Kailash Journal by Satchidananda Swami

Author:Satchidananda, Swami [Satchidananda, Swami]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Internal yoga publication
Published: 2012-05-31T16:00:00+00:00

Facing Death

Shortly before midnight my body began to shake violently. My heartbeat slowed dramatically, and I could scarcely breathe. It seemed certain that this body was not going to reach Kailash. It is not possible to describe the feeling one gets when he sees the life departing from his own body, and knows that he is helpless to stop it. All I could do was pray: “Oh Lord! I have come all the way here to worship You in Your holy abode. Am I not fit to do so?” I struggled to sit up and fought for breath as I continued to pray. In a short while, my body began to sweat profusely. Little by little, the life that had almost departed from this frame seeped back in. Within another half hour, both respiration and heartbeat had stabilized. Relieved to some extent, I was able to get back into my sleeping bag. I spent the rest of the night thanking the Lord for His mercy.

5 July, Morning. The mule drivers brought down the rest of our baggage, one piece at a time. They applied themselves to this task in a half-hearted way, and night had set in by the time they finished. When the baggage was unpacked, several items were missing: the bedding of Ramdas, who had recently joined us; a woolen blanket belonging to Kunthan Singh; a teapot; the container of ghee and a few other things. The driver who had safely reached our camp the night before had brought the food provisions, and those too had been short. All of the drivers, when asked about this, pleaded total ignorance. There was no way of knowing if we had been robbed or if the drivers had simply felt free to help themselves to these goods. That night was more comfortable than the previous one, and I was able to sleep peacefully. Still, some unknown force woke me at two o’clock in the morning, and I sat in meditation until dawn.

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