Joy Devotion by Jennifer Otter Bickerdike

Author:Jennifer Otter Bickerdike
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781909394292
Publisher: SCB Distributors

THE LEGEND OF CORNELIA F

JENNIFER OTTER BICKERDIKE

Several kerbs down from Ian, there is a simple engraved stone. Marked with just ‘Cornelia F–1993 TAKE MY HAND I’LL SHOW YOU’, the memorial stands testament to the power of song lyrics. Taken from Joy Division’s Atrocity Exhibition, the full line reads ‘Can’t replace or relate, can’t release or repair / Take my hand and I’ll show you what was and will be.’ Cornelia F’s proximity to Curtis and the use of his partial lyric led me to inquire: Who was Cornelia F and how did she end up by Ian?

Cornelia F was a massive Joy Division fan from Germany. She asked to be cremated, similarly to Curtis, and have her ashes interred as close to the singer as possible. Like Ian, Cornelia died by her own hand. She now rests less than a foot away from the icon. In some respects, it seems the ultimate in fan devotion, an almost martyr-like taking away of life in some sort of dark solidarity — as if Cornelia F alone truly understood the darkness, the depth and despair in Curtis’ writing. Instead of finding hope and solace in Joy Division’s community of words, Cornelia drowned in the meaning, suffocated by the very same lines which have brought others relief and release. Now she lies — probably closer to Curtis in death than she may have ever been in life — as if guarding him against the wayward, keeping him for herself — looking on at the parade of fans and pilgrims who come to pay tribute to the singer. Yet in this death, she is similarly still waiting for the guide to take her by the hand — as her stone is still outside the parameter of the glance, the view and the worship. She remains an onlooker, one of the many just participating in the adulation of Curtis. The bareness of her stone, even the chosen words — did Cornelia F relate to Curtis, relate so much as to want to spend eternity next to him? Even this last message, as if gasped from the grave itself, offers but a glimpse of the paradox of fandom: as to be a fan is to want, to feel the embodiment, of some part of a song, a message, a singer, a movement.

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