It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked by Andrea Syrtash

Author:Andrea Syrtash
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harlequin
Published: 2013-10-26T16:00:00+00:00

A sneak peek into our writing process… When a man and a woman are cowriting a dating book and talking—professionally—about sex in a coffee shop, they will get some funny looks. It’s hard to keep a straight face when saying, “Hey, should blow job be one or two words?”

• Seal the deal with a kiss

• Bad kisser = Bad chemistry

• Break it off if the sex is bad

• Don’t talk about “your number”

SEAL THE DEAL WITH A KISS

A lot of guys think that if a first date doesn’t end with a kiss, it’s not really a date. And by “a lot of guys” I mean, well, me.

I’m sort of kidding, but not really. To figure out whether we should go for the kiss, men have subconsciously invented what I’ll call the Kissing Matrix. For men, this is one of those rare, beautiful times when everything is simple.

The Kissing Matrix looks at the possible outcomes of two intersecting variables:

1. If the guy kisses her.

2. If the woman wants to be kissed.

When you break down the four possible outcomes from the guy’s perspective, the only logical move is crystal clear.

Kiss Her Don’t Kiss Her

She Wants You to Kiss Her 1.

Success. 2.

She wonders you’re either a) uninterested or b) a wimp.

She Doesn’t Want You to Kiss Her 3.

You will never see her again. 4.

You will never see her again.

If the guy kisses her and she wants him to kiss her—quadrant 1—success. Easy call.

If she doesn’t want the guy to kiss her—quadrants 3 and 4—the outcomes are identical. Put differently, if she’s not feeling the vibe, it doesn’t matter if the guy kisses her or not. It’s a dead end either way.

From the guy’s perspective, she has no reason to be upset, shocked, or indignant. A first-date kiss is not breaking any rules or overstepping bounds or violating her trust. It’s a date. This is what people do. If the guy makes his move and she jukes her head in protest, the guy says he’s sorry, laughs it off, and knows that he plays his odds. (Think about blackjack. You always double down on eleven. Even though you don’t win every hand, doubling is the right move, the smart move, the only move.) So if there’s a spark, the guy has every reason to see where it will lead. Maybe nowhere. Or maybe somewhere amazing and special and magical, like her apartment.

You might be thinking, But wait! What if she had a great time and had an amazing first date, but she simply doesn’t want to kiss? That’s not even a mathematical outcome that we men understand. Our brains can’t compute.

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