It's Not Him, It's You by Christie Hartman

Author:Christie Hartman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2010-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

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Michelle is Harvard-educated, well-read, and very bright. She’s held powerful positions in major law firms and is very successful. However, the men she dates are never smart enough for her. She has extremely strong opinions about many things, and if a man says something she disagrees with, she will argue until she feels she wins the argument. She then tells her friends how stupid or wrong he is. Despite being very pretty, Michelle turns men off and rarely dates.

* * *

No man wants to be looked down on. I have a PhD and I’m a published author, and most of the men I meet aren’t intimidated—they’re impressed. While I’m proud of my accomplishments, they don’t define who I am or make me better than anyone else.

Being Comfortable With Yourself

Being comfortable with yourself is a bit like self-confidence, except it focuses less on believing in yourself and your ability to handle things and focuses more on liking yourself. Liking who you are and being comfortable in your own skin comes from knowing yourself and accepting yourself. When you like yourself, others like you—and that includes men.

A woman who’s comfortable with herself is comfortable with her assets and her flaws, both physically and otherwise. Women who aren’t comfortable with themselves tend to:

• Criticize other women

• Have bad attitudes about men

• Get upset over small things or take everything personally

• Resent people who are successful or confident in themselves

• Have a difficult time accepting a compliment

People who like themselves are not only more attractive, they’re also more pleasant to be around. You’ll find that when you become more comfortable with yourself, you’ll be more accepting of others as well.

Men Are Insecure Too (Even the Hot Ones)

I’ve spent quite a while talking about the ways women are hard on themselves and how they sell themselves short in terms of their attractiveness to men. But if it makes you feel any better, men are insecure about their attractiveness too.

In the physical attractiveness department, two of the biggest things men worry about are penis size and hair loss. They also worry about their weight, their love handles, and their “bird legs.” They worry that they aren’t big enough, tall enough, muscular enough, and that they can’t get a six pack no matter how hard they try. They aren’t as perfectionist as women are, but guys want to look good too. They also worry that if they don’t look good they won’t attract as many women.

And it isn’t just the average-looking guys who say these things. Really good-looking men are just as insecure. Like women, they’ll zero in on some area of weakness in themselves. One very handsome, intelligent man I spoke to worried about an extra ten pounds around his middle. Another very good-looking, very tall twenty-eight-year-old with an amazing body felt insecure about his height. The hot guys get rejected too, and they too struggle with dating and finding the right woman.

Men are also concerned about aging. They worry about losing their youthful bodies and their athletic abilities.

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