It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

Author:Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt [Behrendt, Greg]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780767922890
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 2005-09-27T07:00:00+00:00

WHAT I DID WRONG BY GREG

I definitely suffer from Revisionist Romance Disorder. For a very long time after the breakup, I felt the need to tell everyone how great she was. She hadn't been great, she had been downright awful at times, but to admit that meant I would also have to admit that I had been blind, weak, and willing to show up for her not-so-great treatment. So I used a version of her from the beginning of the relationship where she was all kinds of great. I think I may have even made up qualities she didn't have, or, more to the point, qualities I wasn't able to extract from her. I actively, knowingly lied to myself to keep myself miserable, because admitting the truth made me feel stupid. Isn't that crazy? It looks crazy when I see it written on the page, but I did it. So I understand why it happens, but it sure would have saved me a lot of time and heartache if I'd just gotten down with the fact that we were bad together. When I was ready to stop being such a sad sack and was practicing a program of rigorous honesty, I began to see the relationship as it had really happened. I was able to be pissed at her while also being brutally honest about the fact that I was no picnic to be around either and, more important, that I had kept myself in the game. Suddenly, I wasn't mad at her or me. We were just two people in the wrong relationship. But here is the other part of it. She is a great person. She has many of the qualities I wish she'd had when she was with me. We just didn't bring out those qualities in each other. Thus we didn't work, and that's okay. In fact, my wife is quite pleased about that.

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