Is It Love or Is It Addiction? by Brenda Schaeffer D.Min M.A.L.P. C.A.S

Author:Brenda Schaeffer D.Min, M.A.L.P., C.A.S. [Schaeffer, Brenda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-59285-836-1
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Published: 2009-04-01T04:00:00+00:00

Sex as an Addiction

The concept of sex as an addiction is quite topical and is not without its critics and doubters. It has been dismissed or overlooked by society, individuals, and many professionals in the mental health field. Disparaging terms have been used over the years to label those with out-of-control sexual problems—nymphomaniac, sexual deviant, Don Juan, satyr, lothario, womanizer, dirty old man, whore, slut, fallen woman, and harlot—suggesting that compulsive use of sex was mere choice and easy to stop. The idea of sex as an addiction came forward in the mid-1970s, when a recovering alcoholic identified his out-of-control sexual behavior as parallel to his alcoholic behaviors and referred to it as sexual addiction. Looking at compulsive use of sex from the addiction model gave such behaviors an explanation and a road to healing for both individuals and couples.

The sexual addiction movement gained momentum in 1983 with the publication of Dr. Patrick Carnes’s Out of the Shadows. In it, he identified three levels of behaviors associated with sex addiction. Level One behaviors are common and generally sanctioned by society, or at least tolerated. These include but are not limited to masturbation, affairs, pornography, use of escorts and prostitutes, anonymous sex, sexual seduction, and cybersex. Level Two behaviors, though often considered more of a nuisance by the legal system, always involve the victimization of someone. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, unwanted solicitation, spousal sexual abuse, sexual predation by people in power, and stalking all fall into this category. Level Three behaviors involve the more serious crossing of sexual boundaries and victimize the most vulnerable. These include rape, incest, sexual violence, molestation, sexual bondage, child sexual abuse, and child pornography. It is important to note that though any of the above behaviors can be used compulsively, involvement in any of the above behaviors does not necessarily mean a person is addicted to sex.2 How do we know if these behaviors are an addiction?

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