Is He Mr. Right? by Mira Kirshenbaum

Author:Mira Kirshenbaum
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-10-21T16:00:00+00:00

A S PECIAL S ECRET FOR F IGURING O UT I F Y OU C AN T RUST Y OUR G UY

Lynn, 43, said, “The only way you can know for sure that you can trust a guy you’re with is if he treats you the same way when he becomes rich and successful.”

I understand what she was getting at. It’s only when a guy is rich and successful that he can do whatever he wants. More women will be attracted to him. The cost of ending things with you won’t matter so much to him. So if a guy in that position continues to treat you right, you know it’s real and you know you’re safe.

But this is pretty useless advice. Most guys don’t become so rich and successful that they can do whatever they want. And even if they do, you can wait a long time for them to get there.

I’ve got much better advice. Instead of waiting for him to get to the place where he can do whatever he wants, why don’t you start being freer to be yourself now. It’s a much faster, much easier route to being able to trust him. Just let it all hang out, as early as possible, as if you were so rich and successful yourself that you just didn’t care what he thought of you. Yes, I know—you do care. But what good does it do you? All it does is put you on your best behavior, and all this does is set up the situation where you have no idea how he’ll react when he sees the real you.

So be the real you now. See how he reacts now. Okay, maybe when you let yourself show your moodiness he’ll freak out and take a hike. That hurts, but it’s actually really good that you found this out now. Your guy was a Hidden Dud. He couldn’t handle you being you, so he quit before you could fire him.

But suppose you show yourself as you really are and discover that he hangs in there and stays interested. In a world where trust is hard to come by, that’s pure gold.

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