Intimacy & Desire by Schnarch David

Author:Schnarch, David [Schnarch, David]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Midpoint Trade Books
Published: 2011-06-30T14:00:00+00:00

THE DEVIL’S PACT: INITIATION DEALS

What finally led Ken and Barbie to see me? They made a deal to work things out, which I call the Devil’s Pact. Many couples spontaneously hit upon this diabolical deal. (Some therapists actually prescribe it in treatment.) The Devil’s Pact is ineffective because it’s a bad-faith agreement born of emotional combat and normal marital sadism. It creates a marital theatre of the absurd.

• Scene one: “Why don’t you initiate?”

One night Barbie and Ken were lying in bed. They were arguing. They were angry, exasperated, and defensive. Ken said, “Why don’t you ever initiate?”

Barbie replied, “Because you never give me the chance to initiate. You initiate all the time.”

Ken railed, “I give you plenty of time. I have to initiate because you never do. We’d never have sex if I left it up to you.”

Barbie grabbed the high ground. “You’ll never find out because you always initiate first. You never wait. If you’re not initiating every five minutes, you’re not happy! You do that to make me feel bad. I may not do it often enough to suit your standards, but I initiate enough to suit me.”

Ken tried to take the high ground away from her. “We’d have sex every five years if it were up to you. You never initiate!”

“You never give me the chance!”

Scene One repeated ad nauseam for a month.

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