Infidelity by Julia Hartley Moore

Author:Julia Hartley Moore
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Psychology/General
ISBN: Infidelity
Publisher: Exisle Publishing Pty Ltd
Published: 2008-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

When men are betrayed

Ask any man and he will tell you that women talk far more than men do. I disagree. Go into any bar and watch men talking about sport – the din is deafening. They can strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger and talk for hours. What men mean when they say that women talk more is not that we actually talk more, but that we talk about different things. Men find it unsettling that women can launch into quite private areas of their lives without a backward glance, and yet in my business it’s men who volunteer so much graphic detail regarding their partners’ personal habits, such as stains and smells on underwear. The average person wouldn’t imagine a man would go into such detailed descriptions (as this is seen as the female domain) nor would they expect men to want these articles of clothing to be forensically tested.

Men phone me because it’s easier to discuss vaginal secretions with a female than with some big burly ex-cop, but then they challenge me about my credentials. Knowing I’m not ex-police, they want a full report on my background and qualifications for doing the job. In other words, do I have a degree in snooping?

I’ll never forget the look on the face of one of my male investigators when we were out on a case and I got a call in my car. The call came through over the speaker, and this guy launched into a description of how much discharge he saw each night in his wife’s underwear. He was convinced she was having an affair with someone at her work. As my investigator sat listening to this he looked as if he was in considerable pain. When the call ended he said, ‘You have got to be kidding me. Does everybody tell you stuff like that?’ I replied, ‘No, only men.’

The reason for these graphic descriptions is that men don’t use their intuition, therefore the evidence has to be something tangible. They approach infidelity in a practical manner and miss the subtle warning signs women are often attuned to. Men become far more desperate and obsessive when it comes to their partner’s infidelity. To them it’s a sign of their own weakness. Their masculinity and ego are under threat. ‘How dare she look for another mate when I’m so desirable?’

A noticeable aspect of men dealing with infidelity is that when they do come to me they can be wrong or they may have left it too late. I’ve said many times that when clients come to me for advice they are 100 per cent right, but I need to clarify here that I’m talking about my female clients. Because men don’t take enough notice of their wives and their daily routines, they will often misread the signs they do pick up on.

Trevor had us follow his wife after finding a garter belt in her underwear drawer that he hadn’t seen before. He was convinced she was up to no good in her lunch hour because whenever he asked to meet her she said she was too busy.

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