If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon by McCarthy Jenna

Author:McCarthy, Jenna [McCarthy, Jenna]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: PENGUIN group
Published: 2011-08-18T22:00:00+00:00

“At Least You’re Not Married to Him”

My husband was about thirty pounds overweight when—with his thirtieth

birthday fast approaching—he decided to diet! Exercise! Get in

shape! Most would chalk this up to being an early-midlife-I-should-

get-healthy crisis. But no. It wasn’t for his health. It was because the

only thing homeboy wanted for his thirtieth (not sixtieth) birthday was

an oil motherfucking painting of our family to hang over our nonexistent

fireplace. He lost more than thirty pounds and said that once we got

the oil painting done, he would stop dieting and eat whatever he wanted

again. His birthday was in June and there have been no plans for an

oil painting and there never will be. He’s still exercising and being

healthy because I’ve seduced him with a trip to Hawaii in the fall.

Because seriously, I’d rather dole out the cash it’s going to take to see

Maui than have to stare at our family in a painting on a wall where a

fireplace will never exist.

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