I Need Your Love--Is That True? by Byron Katie

Author:Byron Katie
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780307237866
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2005-04-04T18:00:00+00:00

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Only you can kick yourself out of paradise. So if you are Adam and you look to Eve for completion, you have just kicked yourself out of paradise. You could just experience your own nature, which is to love yourself, and therefore her, with no separation. But if you want something from her, if you think you need her love or approval, you suffer. There’s only one way I can use you to complete me, and that is if I judge you, inquire, and turn it around.

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My Father Shouldn’t Be So Passive

I don’t like my father being so passive when mother asks him what he wants her to make him for supper. He says things like “Anything you make is fine” or “I don’t know; you decide.” I just hate that.

He sounds like a saint.

Who sounds like a saint?

Your father. He leaves it to her. That sounds sweet and generous.

But my mother is so disappointed that he doesn’t state his preference.

Because she thinks he should have preferences. He’s probably telling her the truth. If I were your mother, I would believe him and cook my favorite meals every day. If he didn’t love that, he would say so, and I would find out, and in the meantime I would love it when mealtimes rolled around, and I would adore the person I was living with. Look at the options that he gives her. It could be that because she has preferences, she thinks that he should have them too. And you think that he should make something up. Do you say to yourself, “I could make something up to please her”?

Well, I do make something up, and it does please her.

Good, honey, if your choices were true for you. And did you sell out? Your father didn’t. He really didn’t have preferences. I would believe him.

Wow. I can see that. I sold out, and he didn’t. I gave her what she wanted.

That’s very sweet. And was it within your integrity? Was it honest for you to do that?

I did it to please her. I would do anything to please her.

I hear you, sweetheart. And what did you want from her? It could have been within your integrity—that’s why I’m asking. What was it? Let’s take this direction, honey: Can you know that the answers he gave your mother were not decisive answers for him? “It’s up to you. I don’t have a preference.” That sounds pretty decisive.

It does when you put it that way. Hmm.

“Your father should have given her what she wanted”—is that true? Can you know that that’s for his highest good, or hers?

Well, it wouldn’t have taken much time to make something up and get her off his back.

Interesting. “They would both be better off if he would just come up with something to appease her”—can you absolutely know that that’s true?

I would have been better off if it hadn’t fallen to me to do that.

And how do you react when you believe

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