How to Talk with Anyone about Anything by Harville Hendrix Ph.D

Author:Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2024-06-21T00:00:00+00:00

Making Connections

Connecting with others is a basic human desire. Remember, we live in a connecting universe. Everything everywhere is connecting with everything everywhere all the time. Since we are made of the stuff of the universe, it is our nature to connect. That is why, without such connections, most of us feel lost and fearful. You might say we feel “lost in space,” which is not a good thing. As the protective robot used to say when a threat arose in the Lost in Space television series: “Danger, Will Robinson!” When you are lost in that space, you feel adrift. Afloat. Isolated. Without purpose. Without meaning.

So to make safe and productive connections with others, especially those who might have different opinions or perspectives, we encourage you to think of that space as your place to reach out and seek to understand and to be understood, as well as to listen and be heard. To respect and be respected. To feel safe and to be perceived as safe.

The next time you feel someone pushing your buttons, threatening to make the conversation contentious, think of the Space-Between you and that person. Imagine clearing out all your insecurities and baggage from that space so that nothing that is said can stir anger or resentment in you. And then think of how you can make that space a place where you both feel safe and secure to discuss your differences and move forward despite them.

It may take a while to master that process, but imagine how helpful it would be to be able to talk to anyone about anything without rancor or hurt feelings. Changing the quality of the Space-Between is the only way to recover the sensation of full aliveness and joy—our original nature.

To understand how to communicate and relate to others, you need to be aware of the quality of the energy that exists between you and those with whom you interact. You have two choices: you can make the Space-Between safe, or you can make it dangerous. If the Space-Between is safe, connection will be restored, and you will thrive and feel fully alive. If it’s dangerous, you will instinctively feel defensive and will protect yourself. You cannot turn the danger sensors off, even if you want to.

You may not be aware of ways you evoke danger with others in the Space-Between. You may rush around, use a harsh tone, roll your eyes, and occasionally shame, blame, or criticize. These negative interactions trigger anxiety and activate defenses in those with whom you want to communicate and build relationships.

On the other hand, you can choose to make the Space-Between safe for the others in your life. You can use a kinder tone of voice, ask them how they are feeling, or express gratitude about something that maybe you’ve taken for granted. This respectful quality of interacting affirms others as valuable and helps build a sense of safety and trust.

Ultimately, the Space-Between is where you recover awareness and experience connecting. It’s the quality

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.