How to Mend a Broken Heart by Christine Webber

Author:Christine Webber [Webber, Christine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General, Self-Help
ISBN: 9781448209859
Publisher: Bloomsbury Reader
Published: 2012-07-30T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

What you do miss

In Chapter Eleven, I encouraged you to compile a list of everything you don’t miss about your ex-partner.

No matter how long that list becomes, there may be times when you will miss your ex so desperately that you will almost certainly find yourself in real physical pain. This pain is often in the chest, near the heart, and I suppose that is why we refer to ourselves as having ‘heartache’ or of being ‘heartbroken’.

I can certainly remember the first time I got this pain. I felt as though my whole torso was being crushed by a giant clamp or vice and I could hardly breathe. I was only 17 at the time, and I had nothing to compare it with. For days I thought I must be physically ill. And all because I had convinced myself that I was passionately in love with someone who hardly knew I was alive!

Well, I can smile at my 17-year old self now. But, from a much older vantage point now – and a very much happier one – I can see that everything I went through in my younger years contributed to my finding the peace and contentment I have today.

However, I know that the pain I had was real, even though it started in my mind and was not a symptom of a physical illness. And I have never, ever forgotten it.

You may well be experiencing pain that is just as excruciating now. And when you get it, you’re bound to say: ‘I really, really miss him.’ Or: ‘I need her so much that I’ll never get over losing her.’

So, in this chapter, we’re going to look at exactly what you miss.

Now, before you quickly, and indignantly turn over the page – because of course you know exactly what you miss and why – please let me explain.

When we end a relationship, we do, as you have read in Chapter One, make things worse by confusing the loss we feel now with a false belief that things will never get better in the future. That confusion adds to our pain. If you don’t remember that bit, have a look back at the beginning of the book and re-read it.

Well, just as we make things worse by confusing our current loss with predicted endless loss in the future, we are often very confused about how or why we miss someone. Or, to put it another way, by what we really miss.

You see, the truth is that what we’re missing is often not so much that person who was in our life, but the experience of being in a relationship.

We miss:

• being loved

• having someone to love

• being part of a couple

• the memory of good days rather than a realistic recall of the whole thing

• having someone to come home to

• having someone to go to parties with

• being settled

To explain this further, let’s take a look at what Anna and Gary and Kate missed about their relationships when I asked them to write me a list.

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