How to Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work and Flourish: A Couple's Guide to Being Apart and Staying Happy by Tamsen Butler

Author:Tamsen Butler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: relationship, long-distance, love, survive, living apart, trust, partner, fights, communication
Publisher: Atlantic Publishing
Published: 2012-10-24T00:00:00+00:00

Avoid the Cheating Trap

When you are in a long-distance relationship, the threat of one of you straying from the relationship is real and potentially heightened by the fact that the two of you cannot monitor each other’s activities like you could if you lived under the same roof. This is certainly not to say that everyone is just waiting for the opportunity to cheat on his or her partner; most people do not set out to have an affair. For many people who wind up cheating, it starts out innocently but then turns into something else entirely.

You and your partner need to be clear about the expectations you set for each other when it comes to other people. You cannot blow up at your partner for having lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex if the two of you have not clearly stated that one-on-one lunches with people of the opposite sex are off limits. Talk to each other about expectations and perceptions. Your partner might not think he or she is doing anything wrong when going over to a friend’s house for a movie night, but when that friend is of the opposite sex and the movie night goes late into the evening with no one else present, your perception of the situation might be different than the perception of your partner. You see it as an opportunity for your partner’s friend to make a move while your partner sees it as an opportunity to see a movie with a friend.

If you and your partner have clear expectations set for each other about interactions with people of the opposite sex, it becomes difficult to argue about what is “right” and what is “wrong.” Instead, you rely on what your partner has told you about his or her comfort level with what you do, and in turn, you have revealed what you find acceptable. If you have not yet had this discussion with your partner, start with these questions:

• What is unacceptable behavior with someone of the opposite sex?

• Are one-on-one interactions with people of the opposite sex acceptable? Does this change if it is related to work?

• Is it all right to text friends of the opposite sex?

• Is it all right to sleep over at a friend’s house?

• Is going out drinking with a group of people acceptable?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The “right” answer to these and related questions are the answers that you and your partner agree on. It is incredibly important to set guidelines with your partner when you are away from each other; this is not an area you want to remain vague on your mutual expectations for behavior. You might assume that your partner has the same expectations as you on this topic, but unless the two of you talk it through, you might be surprised to find your partner has been engaging in activities that you find unacceptable even if they are not classified as “cheating.”

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