How to Forgive When You Can't: The Breakthrough Guide to Free Your Heart & Mind by Jim Dincalci

Author:Jim Dincalci
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: The Forgiveness Foundation
Published: 2011-06-08T21:00:00+00:00

Working on Upsets

In this short chapter is a summary of the steps from all the previous chapters to help you forgive. This is not all the steps of the Power Forgiveness Process, but these can carry you quite far in forgiving.

Vital Steps and Actions to Remember

To deal with a person or situation:

1 – Make a Choice that Feels Right

Start small. Take one upset, or part of one, to work on. It might be just one of a group of people or one of many upsets with a person.

2 – Look at your Willingness

· Are you willing to work on this upset?

(If not, take another upset that you are willing to face.) As I mentioned, willingness is essential because it provides the beginning of the commitment that leads to forgiving. Your willingness to take on upsets that are more difficult will increase as you forgive. You don’t have to start with the big stuff first, just take what piece you are willing to do.

3 – Focus on What Inspires You to Forgive

· What inspires you to do this work?

The essential quality in doing forgiveness work is to have continual inspiration to forgive. You need to have a worthy reason to do it. This inspired reason will take you past the natural internal resistance in the mind against forgiving. This motivation can be spiritual, emotional, or even physical.

Inspiration is the most effective beginning of any endeavor—the stronger the inspiration the greater the possibility of success.

The opening stage in forgiving is the kindling or rekindling of your desire to forgive. This initial opening through inspiration carries your spirit forward to the quest for more knowledge of the subject and, later, it carries you through emotional blocks that might come up.

4 – Deal with Feelings Effectively

· What are you feeling when you think of the situation?

Dealing with feelings is valuable in order to prevent false forgiveness. When your feelings change to positive ones, forgiving has occurred. You may find these questions helpful in looking at your initial mind-set:

A. What do I feel when I think of the person involved in this situation? For example, sad, depressed, angry, apathetic, guilty, hurt, anxious.

B. Apart from my main emotion, when I think of each situation, are there other feelings underneath, or mixed up with that main one, like embarrassment, humiliation, or shame?

C. Am I willing to engage these feelings and not avoid them?

D. What was I afraid would happen at the time? What am I afraid of now if I forgive?

5 – Find Your Needs and Debt Owed

Remember, our working definition of forgiveness is letting go of what is owed – as in forgiving a financial debt.

· What do they owe you for having to feel what you have felt?

· What do you need out of the situation? What would satisfy

you?

For some, having the person go to jail will bring relief. For others, watching the person die is not enough. Therefore, the initial question in any forgiveness situation is, what do they owe you?

Here are further questions to help you in this step:

A.

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