How Could You Do This to Me? by Dr. Jane Greer

Author:Dr. Jane Greer [Greer, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-79831-2
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2011-06-15T00:00:00+00:00

THEY JUST DON’T GET IT

As we saw with Rivals, an Admirer’s betrayal can be especially hard to pinpoint in the workplace, since it’s often unclear where the personal relationship ends and the professional one begins. Admirers exploit these hazy boundaries and believe that friendship gives them license to take advantage of you in a business setting. As one attorney told me, “My friends never pay me. You’d think that a friend would be respectful of my livelihood and would understand that when I look over a contract or file papers on his behalf, it takes time and I need to be reimbursed. But my invoice will sit on his desk for months, and I have to remind him several times to pay it. It’s embarrassing; it makes me nuts; and it puts a real strain on the friendship.” When friends behaved in self-serving ways, this man was confused and upset. On the other hand, had he been dealing strictly with business colleagues, he wouldn’t have reacted this way. He would simply have had his accountant call and request payment.

Candace, who owned a graphic arts design company, had a similar, though far more hurtful, experience of friendship colliding with business goals. Candace hired Ruth, a bright and engaging woman with two school-age children, to be her assistant, and the two women formed an instant bond. Technically, Ruth was working for Candace, but the two were much more best buddies than boss and employee.

“Ruth was desperate to get back to work, now that her kids were older,” Candace explained. “She didn’t really have any skills, but I gave her a break. And I thought my instincts were on target; she not only turned out to be a hard worker, she was terrific fun to be with. I taught her everything I knew. But I thought she was there for me, too,” Candace continued. “When my mother had a heart attack and was hovering near death for weeks, I saw Ruth as my rock. I counted on her to run the office and to be a support through the whole ordeal.”

Needless to say, Candace was shocked when, without warning, Ruth announced she was opening a competing agency. While Candace had been preoccupied with her mother’s illness, she had no idea that Ruth was quietly stealing her client list by offering everyone better deals. Though shaken by the news, Candace was unable to confront her friend, remaining distant but still hoping to maintain a relationship with her. That is, until the night Ruth borrowed her favorite black jacket and returned it with a cigarette burn.

“That did it for me,” Candace snapped. “All the little betrayals suddenly came into focus. I realized I was the one literally getting burned in this relationship. I hated her, and hated myself for having put up with her for so long.”

Like other Admirers, Ruth had violated one boundary after another, although Candace had been unaware and unable to see it. Nevertheless, Ruth felt her conscience was clear. As far

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