Hiding in Hip Hop by Terrance Dean

Author:Terrance Dean
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2008-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

20. MOMMA

IT WAS MY JUNIOR YEAR in college and time for winter break. I went home to try to enjoy my Christmas holiday. Unlike other students who would be celebrating with their families, I was dealing with my mother’s illness. Watching her lose weight, constantly in pain, and barely able to walk was unbearable. My mother was doing what she could to put up the good fight, but she was losing, and AIDS was winning. It took hold of her body and refused to let go. Her once voluptuous body was thin and wiry. Her figure was gone and the clothes draped her body like a rag doll. Her face became sunken and sullen. The sight made me long and wish for the beautiful mother I once knew.

I frequently visited my mother at her apartment over the Christmas break and decided to stay with her for the final week. She needed assistance. I could tell she was in pain and didn’t want me to see her in the condition she was in, but she needed someone to be with her. Other family members pitched in when necessary.

My mother and I talked a lot. It was the first time we sat down across from one another and held a conversation. It was refreshing to have her listen to me. It felt good to share all the things going on at school and in my life. It was also the first time I laughed with my mother.

My mother revealed to me that her youngest brother, Alex, was killed right after I was born. They were extremely close, and he kept a tight rein on my mother because of the attention she got from guys.

Alex was on his way to work one day, and while he was waiting for the bus a group of his friends pulled up in a car and offered him a ride to work. He hopped in the car with them.

Unfortunately, they didn’t take him to work. They drove out of Detroit and ended up twenty minutes later in Ecorse, Michigan, joyriding. Then they were stopped by the police. Apparently the car was stolen. The police pulled all the guys out of the car and told them they had thirty seconds to run. As they attempted to flee, the officers shot and killed Alex.

My mother was devastated when he died. Her brother Alex was her everything. His death sent her into a dark depression from which she never recovered. Drugs and sex became her new confidante and fix.

As my stay with my mother came to an end, I packed my bags in preparation for my return to school. As I was leaving and walking out the door, my mother called to me. I stopped, turned, and for the first time, my mother gently said, “I love you.”

For a split moment the words lingered in the air over my body waiting for me to let them land someplace in my heart. I had never heard those words before from her. Hearing them felt similar to when I had first gotten the Holy Ghost.

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