Have a New Husband by Friday: How to Change His Attitude, Behavior & Communication in 5 Days

Author:Leman, Dr. Kevin [Leman, Dr. Kevin]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2009-09-14T16:00:00+00:00

1. Say it once.

2. Turn your back and walk away.

3. Resist the temptation to remind him.

And if he doesn’t get it done, then add another step:

4. Let reality be the teacher.

These steps work for children (I used them in my book Have a New Kid by Friday), and they work for the children’s father too. If he doesn’t get his project done, then let reality be the teacher.

Let’s say you ask your husband to deposit his paycheck in the bank on the way home from work, to make sure it covers the large check you have to send to Visa the next day. He forgets, and you find the paycheck in his pants pocket four days later. That same day you get a letter from the bank, saying your Visa check has bounced and outlining the fees you need to pay—plus your bank account is overdrawn.

Do you take care of this yourself? Do you call up the bank or run over there immediately to apologize and take care of it? Do you call Visa and promise to get a new check to them right away? Do you then go to your husband, wag your finger, and say, “This is all your fault. I told you to deposit that check, and now look what’s happened!”

No, you simply place his paycheck and the letter from the bank on his dinner plate (or somewhere else you know he’ll find it). If he asks you to take care of the problem, your answer needs to be no. You already asked him to take care of it once and he didn’t, and now he needs to deal with the consequences and follow up himself. The next time you ask him to do something, I bet he’ll file that request as a priority, don’t you?

You don’t need to play judge. Just let reality be the teacher.

So say it once. Be specific. Give your husband a day that a task needs to be done, a time it needs to be done (if any specific deadline), and the reason it needs to be done. “Honey, the Johnsons are coming tonight at 6. I’d like to have the yard picked up and done before they come, since you said you wanted to barbecue ribs on the grill. I know you’d like the lawn to look as nice as I would.”

Ordering your husband to do a task will only cause him to dig his crab claws into the earth and not move forward. He’ll revert to his “no one’s going to tell me what to do” basic male response to orders. No male likes to be ordered around, especially by a woman. I know that may sound terribly sexist, but it’s true.

One wife told me her husband got grumpy every time she asked him to do anything, even getting something down for her from a cupboard above her head. Finally she asked him, “Why don’t you want to help me?”

Husbands Can Say

the Stupidest Things

When your husband says something stupid, don’t

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