Happily Even After by Alan Cohen

Author:Alan Cohen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2010-08-10T16:00:00+00:00

People going through a divorce or breakup use four issues as political footballs: children, money, possessions, and time. Because we attach emotional significance to these issues, we withhold them as our way of saying, “I don’t feel loved by you, so I will hurt you by withholding something you want.” We turn a relationship into a bargaining game, which hooks the other person in their most vulnerable place and leads to a terrible cycle of attack, defense, counterattack, frustration, pain, and confusion. In the end, nobody wins.

We cannot afford to place things before love, or put dissension before kindness. We know the awful psychological ramifications that children experience when they become bargaining chips in their parents’ tugs-of-war. It’s just not worth it.

When we make win-win our highest priority, somehow things work out for everyone. This does not mean that you need to agree to anything that is grossly unfair, or just roll over and let your former partner hurt you. It simply means that when dealing with “stuff,” we must remember that Spirit is more important than matter. Leo Buscaglia noted that “we were meant to love people and use things—but we end up loving things and using people.”

Do your best not to throw your partner out of your heart. Tell the truth, ask for what you want, stand for what you sincerely believe, but don’t cast your former beloved as your enemy. You both want to live more rewarding lives, and you can really help each other if you choose.

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