Griefstrike! the Ultimate Guide to Mourning by Jason Roeder

Author:Jason Roeder
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McSweeney's Publishing

EXTRA! EXTRA! GRANDPA PASSED AWAY QUIETLY LAST NIGHT! SHARING THE BAD NEWS

Describing something that happened to you is a way of reliving it, and that’s great if you’re recounting good news like finding ten bucks on the sidewalk or finally turning your back on ISIS. But the death of a loved one is different. Each time you tell someone, you briefly revisit that painful moment. Many people describe this feeling as like letting a heavyset squirrel sit on an existing bruise. So how can you break the news in such a way that spares you and others as much discomfort as possible?

Social Media

Before we had social media to slip a death announcement into someone’s online ticker of cat pics and menacing Second Amendment memes, it wasn’t easy to announce a loved one’s passing. But we didn’t really need to. Our worlds have been much smaller for most of our history. If someone died, there was a pretty good chance everyone they knew watched it happen and then just decided as a group which cemetery, quicksand pit, or scavenger animals would claim the body. Now, of course, our connections are far-flung. However, thanks to social media, particularly Facebook, we can tell hundreds of people at once that someone they loved, liked, or never got around to unfollowing has sadly passed on. And that’s why it’s essential to get it right.

Believe it or not, announcing a death on social media takes more preparation than typing, “The cutest!!” beneath a photo of your nephew’s, let’s be honest, lazy Halloween costume. Before you put that cursor anywhere near the text field, keep in mind that close relatives and friends should never be notified via Facebook. Anyone who stands to be shattered by the news should have zero chance of receiving it on the same platform they just took a “Which Spider-Man Villain Are You?” quiz.

After making sure that the people who should know in advance do know in advance, you’re ready to write your post. While your most difficult Facebook moment used to be that time you accidentally entered your Google search for “is hamburger found in ocean edible” in your status bar, I’m afraid that’s about to change.

The Text

Composing these sentences will feel strange. Your reluctance will be palpable. Your hands might feel heavy, like there’s a lasagna strapped to each of them. So take your time.* Close your laptop and go for a walk. Jump on another app. If you’re on a library terminal, feel free to use every minute of the half hour you signed up for, no matter how impatient the man behind you is to test the limits of the computer’s pornography filter.

You can never fully prepare readers for this sort of news, but you should at least set the stage immediately with a solemn opening, such as, “It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of…” or “It’s with the heaviest of hearts that our family announces the passing of…” Heartfelt simplicity is best, but people

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