Golden 1 - Golden Boy by Claire Thompson

Author:Claire Thompson [Thompson, Claire]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

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The feeling was new for Eric. He wanted to call Johnny. To tell him he’d changed his mind and Johnny needed to come back tonight. He didn’t want to wait another three days to see him! Eric never called the other guy. Eric was always the beloved, not the lover. Not that he didn’t lavish affection and attention on his chosen lovers, as long as they remained of interest to him, but he never pined for them. Indeed, he barely thought about them when they weren’t around. Out of sight, out of mind.

How had Johnny slipped past his defenses? He couldn’t possibly be in love, not this early in the game. No, it was mere infatuation, surely, but it felt like more. Well, as he often told his patients, feelings were not actions and not necessarily grounded in reality. No one ever got in trouble from a feeling. But action could definitely get him into trouble. He’d begun to establish a dominance with Johnny. He’d given him a directive—they would not see each other until Friday. He’d told Johnny he could call whenever he needed, but he himself had not planned to call Johnny. He’d be revealing his vulnerability and leaving himself open for hurt.

Eric smiled, the irony of his situation not lost on the trained therapist. He was sitting in his small but nicely appointed office, located only three blocks from his apartment. He had a steady stream of well-heeled clientele, most of them gay and searching for answers. They felt safe with Eric, who didn’t make their sexual orientation the focus of their therapy unless, of course, it was merited.

One thing he always counseled was to remain open. Not to become shut down from others, not to hide one’s true feelings because of fear of rejection. Communication was paramount to any successful relationship. How easy to sit in his big leather chair and dispense his sage advice. How much harder to live it!

Well, he would not call Johnny. It wasn’t about hiding his feelings, he rationalized. It was about giving both Johnny and himself some time to absorb what they’d experienced that weekend. Especially for Johnny this was important, Eric told himself. He was younger and completely inexperienced. Sexually speaking he was little more than a teenager. He had never had a mature, loving relationship with another person.

The odds were good because of that fact this would not work out. Johnny would “cut his teeth” on Eric and then be ready to move on. Eric sighed. “Jesus, Méndez,” he said out loud. “Get a grip!” He was acting like a nervous kid, worrying and wondering if his affections were going to be reciprocated. “Just take it a day at a time,” he told the empty room. “If this is meant to be, it’ll work out. And if not…” He didn’t finish the thought, glad to be distracted by his next patient indicating his arrival with a ring of the bell at the front door of the small office building.

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