Girls Without Limits by Lisa Hinkelman

Author:Lisa Hinkelman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781483302867
Publisher: SAGE Publications
Published: 2013-01-29T00:00:00+00:00

I was 14 when he started paying attention to me. He was probably in his 30’s at that point and he was married with a baby. I looked older for my age and really hadn’t been in any relationships before. I had kissed maybe two boys up until that point but never anything else. I would see him every week at soccer practice and it started with flattering comments about my body and how sexy and curvaceous I was. At 14, I didn’t know what to do with that! It was exhilarating and confusing at the same time and I found that I liked the attention and wanted it to continue. I was really attracted to him and wanted him to like me, but I didn’t know what to do when he started to touch me. I mean, there was a part of me that really liked it, but then there was another part of me that knew it was wrong and that it had to stay as a secret. No one could ever find out because I should have stopped it from the very beginning. I should have told him that he needed to stop and that I was going to tell an adult what was going on. I should have reported him to the school. But I couldn’t—I knew people would ask me why I didn’t do something right away; I let it go on for years. I knew they would say that I could have stopped this earlier if I really wanted to. I couldn’t deal with that, or what my teachers’ or parents’ reactions would be, so it was just easier to stay quiet.

In this situation, Carrie was 14 years old and was slowly and purposefully pursued by an adult man. He clearly knew that his behavior was inappropriate and illegal yet was able to effectively manipulate the situation so that Carrie kept his secrets and subsequently blamed herself for the abuse. Unfortunately, this scenario is far too common for thousands of girls and boys and it keeps sexual abuse hidden and stigmatized.

Let’s return to the self-reflection based on the cases of Kandice and Macy. Was your initial reaction to question the behavior of Kandice and Macy or to question the actions of Chad and Trevor? For many of us, our initial reaction is to pinpoint all the opportunities that the girls had to make a different decision, get out, or report the event. Our secondary response is to identify the fact that Chad and Trevor could have made different choices as well. If we are to be effective in changing the culture around sexual violence, we must be willing to shift our thinking as it relates to who is responsible for the acts.

If we are fortunate enough to be the adult in a girl’s life that she will actually talk to about such a sensitive issue, we must handle her concern with the utmost respect and care. If we fail to do this, she will likely think twice before she ever confides in us again.

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