Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon

Author:Kim Gordon
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780571309368
Publisher: Faber & Faber
Published: 2015-02-21T23:00:00+00:00

Chapel Hill: It was raining and sad as hell and the Swans played their set to jeering cowboys. Chapel Hill is one of the hippest places on earth to play, but in 1982 we were underground even for this place … In the van the Swans fought among themselves. Morale was very low and tempers were short. Our expectations were not as high as Mike’s maybe, and we never fight among ourselves when we’re traveling with another band that does; they do it for us.

Georgia: In Athens, Mike Gira jumped off the stage and pushed someone who was pogoing to their music, then he returned to the stage and apologized … Mike thought the guy was a poser who was making fun of him. In reality he was a nerd and Mike had never seen a nerd before. Thurston tried to discourage his sister, Susan, from coming to the show, because either he thought we were gonna suck or he thought he might have to protect her. He told her she’d be raped and murdered if she came, and at the time I thought it was just a ploy because she’s so gullible, but now I realize he probably half believed it.

A few years later, from another tour, but the entries have the same feel:

Dallas: On our way to Dallas, we just melt, sleep, and nag our drummer Steve Shelley about driving too slow, and Thurston for driving too much like he plays guitar.

Boston: There was a point where I started getting sickened by the violence onstage. Thurston’s fingers would swell up all purple and thick from banging his guitar. Usually I never know what’s happening onstage, I would just see guitar-like objects whizzing through the air out of the corner of my eye. A couple of times Thurston pushed Lee into the audience, as the only way to end a song, but that was harmless fun.

Naugatuck, Connecticut: There’s nothing like Naugatuck on a Saturday night … The club is next to a Chinese restaurant in a shopping plaza. River’s Edge could have been filmed here. I’ve never seen so many metalheads cruising the roads. They make perfect sense, though, when you look at the barren trees, the discount store, all this desolation and quietness—you want to crank up something really loud and ugly. I couldn’t help wondering what the girls did while the boys were off playing with Satan. And I wondered if they were like me and craved the feeling of electricity and sound mixed together, swirling around my head and thru my legs. I always fantasized what it would be like to be right under the pinnacle of energy, beneath two guys who have crossed their guitars together, two thunderfoxes in the throes of self-love and combat, that powerful form of intimacy only achieved onstage in front of other people, known as male bonding.

We may have been in our infancy as a band, but our psychology was already beginning to form. The band gave us all new identities, thrilling but protected.

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