Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott

Author:Susan J. Elliott [Elliott, Susan J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General, Family & Relationships, Love & Romance, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Interpersonal Relations, Divorce & Separation
ISBN: 0738213284
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Published: 2009-05-04T08:46:39+00:00

“No one listened to me because I backed down on what I wanted every single time. I was miserable and felt victimized.

Once I started setting boundaries, things changed.”

“Setting boundaries was the single most loving thing I’ve done for myself in my entire life. It changed the game completely.

Now I’m winning.”

“People didn’t like when I first started setting boundaries, but I figured it was better that I like me than that they do. Before I got boundaries, I did not like me very much.”

- 153 -

0738213286-Elliott.qxd:Elliott-design1 2/22/09 3:39 PM Page 154

G E T T I N G P A S T Y O U R B R E A K U P

“Changing my boundaries with my parents has had the greatest (most positive) impact on my life overall. From there, it’s gotten so much easier to have good boundaries with everyone else.

The second-greatest impact has been on my kids. I’ve been beating myself [up] for years for not being a good enough mom, and that has really been coming to an end. No drama, no big scene, no guilt—just a ‘no’ in response to certain things when that is the simple answer that is needed with both parents and children.”

“I finally realized that no one can crash my boundaries without my permission. This ‘small’ revelation has changed my life.”

Do you feel like people tend to walk all over you? Do you have a hard time saying no? Are you afraid to express your needs to a partner for fear of an argument or of being left? Do you feel

“mean” if you don’t let someone do what he or she wants? Are you afraid people won’t like you if you tell them that something they’re doing is not okay with you?

Previous chapters have talked about setting boundaries with children and ex-partners, but it’s important to develop boundaries with everyone in your life. This is because strong boundaries result in good relationships, high self-esteem, and emotional well-being.

People who set proper limits enjoy successful lives because it’s easier to take chances and risks when you know you can protect yourself. But putting them into place in your life is a hard task. It won’t happen overnight, and it’s not necessarily going to be easy, but it makes life much simpler in the long run.

- 154 -

0738213286-Elliott.qxd:Elliott-design1 2/22/09 3:39 PM Page 155

W H E R E D O Y O U E N D A N D I B E G I N ?

What Are Boundaries?

Quite simply, boundaries are a border, a limit, or a standard. To apply this to human relationships, codependency expert Melody Beattie says that a boundary is simply the recognition that you begin and end someplace, and I begin and end someplace else.

This means what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine, and we are clear on the difference. I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings, and actions, and you are responsible for yours. I am responsible for how much I allow others to put on me or take from me.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.