Get the Guy by Matthew Hussey

Author:Matthew Hussey
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: HarperCollins Publisher
Published: 2013-03-07T16:00:00+00:00

11

A Word About Insecurity

We touched on this subject earlier in the book, but I feel it is important enough to bring up again in another context.

It’s one thing to understand the formula for ultimate attraction, another to accept that it can truly work for you. Once a woman at one of my seminars laughed out loud when I suggested that any woman can create attraction with a first-rate guy.

I know that it’s a challenge to dismiss your insecurities. There is always some aspect of yourself you worry about, whether it is physical—your shape, your height, your imperfect teeth, your slightly crooked nose, your oddly shaped ears, your thighs, your knees, that scar, that birthmark, that mole—or something deeper, like where you’re from, your educational background, your health history, or any number of life experiences. (By the way, men fret about all these things too!)

You worry that after you’ve gone to all the work of building a fascinating social circle, finding and meeting a number of guys, creating connection through a fantastic conversation with one guy, playfully trading numbers, arranging a promising meet-up, now what? What happens when he gets a good look at you in broad daylight? When he realizes you’re actually a good two inches taller than he is? When he sees you naked? Then what?

Back when I was in school a girl I liked once offered this completely unsolicited opinion: “You look really ugly when you smile.” I’d been trying to appear friendlier and more approachable, having just read a book about body language that claimed smiling improves your looks. I still remember how devastated I felt.

But from this painful exchange—I really liked that girl—I learned a valuable lesson: one person doesn’t hold the world’s opinion. To fail to realize this is to allow one insensitive or hurtful comment to stick with you for years, festering as wounds sometimes do, and creating a belief about yourself based on nothing more than an offhand or even mean-spirited comment by someone who probably didn’t realize that what they were saying might deeply offend you.

Indeed, a lot of us still carry insecurities today based on stupid comments made many years ago. We have a terrible tendency in life to focus only on our critics, those people who say the worst about us or those who react to us negatively. We cannot control someone else’s response to us, but we can control our response to them.

A Golden Principle for Dealing with Insecurity

One of the most important lessons to learn about human dynamics is that first reactions don’t count, because they are the least important. There are three things going on that contribute to someone’s initial reaction to you:

1.Their previously held belief system and experiences. These things have nothing to do with you. (Maybe their last girlfriend had the same haircut, or you remind them of a teacher they hated in college . . . it could be anything.)

2.Their current mood—are they having a good day or a bad day? A bad day might make someone predisposed to shutting you out.

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