FOR MEN ONLY by Shaunti Feldhahn

Author:Shaunti Feldhahn
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781601422095
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2008-08-19T10:00:00+00:00

• She doesn’t want you to fix it = she doesn’t actually want or need your solution to the problem, at least at the beginning.

• She just wants you to listen = she does want and need you to understand how she’s feeling about the problem.

• “It” = an emotional problem. This listening rule does not apply to technical conundrums.

Let’s take these one at a time.

“She doesn’t want you to fix it” = she doesn’t need you to fix it.

In case you’re wondering, this doesn’t mean “She doesn’t need you to do nothing.” More on that later. Instead, the key is to understand why she’s sharing something. And it’s not—as we think—because she needs our help. In fact, our women usually feel quite capable of solving problems without any help from manly men like us. That’s not what they are looking for—at least at first. Look at the results from the survey.

Even if a man provided a very “reasonable” solution to the problem under discussion, just 5 percent of women said that would actually solve their problem. Add it up, guys. 95 percent of women feel that a reasonable solution would not solve their problem.

What’s more, fully 60 percent of the women felt the offered solution—no matter how reasonable—was a negative. Some appreciated their man’s suggestion, some didn’t, but the majority felt that it detracted from the sense that he was listening and being supportive.

To see why that is, we turn to the second and most important principle.

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