Flying Over Water by N. H. Senzai

Author:N. H. Senzai [Hitchcock; N.H. Senzai, Shannon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2020-04-14T16:00:00+00:00

After my appointment with Dr. Kelley, I took a long, hot shower, pulled on my favorite pajamas, and rummaged in the closet for Winnie the Pooh. I hadn’t slept with Pooh in a long time, but hugging him made me feel safe.

When I woke up, Mom was sitting in a chair beside my bed, just watching me. She reached out and touched my cheek. “I love you so much,” she said. “Anything that hurts you, hurts me.”

This was old Mom, the one I’d been missing. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

Mom nodded. “I know, but I’ve been so caught up in my own problems that I haven’t paid enough attention to you, and that needs to change.”

“It’s okay, Mom.”

She shook her head and said in a trembling voice, “No, it’s not, but I need you to forgive me, and I need to forgive myself too.”

“Mom, you didn’t do anything wrong.” The guilt was creeping in again, threatening to smother me. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

She frowned, and her forehead got those wavy worry lines across it. “Why in the world would you need to apologize?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, but tears leaked out anyway, and once I started crying, I couldn’t stop.

Mom climbed in bed beside me, and held me as if I were a baby. “Shh,” she whispered. “Shh. Everything will be okay.”

I cried harder, big ugly tears, the ones I’d been holding inside for weeks.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Mom said.

“I’m … I’m an awful person,” I sobbed, “and I’m afraid you won’t love me anymore.”

Mom hugged me harder. “Jordyn, there is nothing in this world you could ever do that would make me stop loving you.”

“B-b-b-but, it’s my fault. I didn’t really love the baby until after it was gone!”

Mom kept rocking me. “Oh, honey. Is that all? It’s only normal to be afraid of change.” She kissed the top of my head. “And it had been just the three of us for so long that a baby would have been a big change, but you’d have been a great big sister. As soon as you held the baby for the first time, you would have fallen in love.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so,” Mom said. She smoothed my hair behind my ear. “Looks like I’m not the only one who needs to forgive herself. Sometimes being human is the hardest thing of all.”

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