Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott

Author:Susan Scott
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2017-04-12T09:34:21+00:00

Error 1: So, How’s It Going?

When I tell workshop participants the story about Sam and ask how they would open the conversation with Jackie, someone always suggests that Sam should begin by asking, “So, Jackie, how are things going?”

Many of us have been a part of such confrontations: “How do you feel you’re doing here in the company?” Or, “How would you rate your performance?”

Openings like this are disrespectful and dishonest. Plus, you’re not fooling anyone. The minute you ask how someone thinks he or she is doing, the internal reaction is likely, “Well, apparently not as good as I’d hoped.”

Imagine you are Jackie. The CEO comes into your office, sits down, and asks, “So, Jackie, how are things going?” What might you instantly suspect? Something’s up. After all, you already know things aren’t going that smoothly. It’s your team. You were there. You are also a person with darn good radar. You sense your boss has a hidden agenda.

Most of us can smell hidden agendas a mile away, and we don’t like them. In our shared histories, “How are things going?” has almost always been a lead-in to bad news, negative feedback. So what do we do? If you were Jackie, you might have responded, “Things are going great! There’s a little creative tension, but that’s to be expected and we’re working through it.” Sound familiar? Now where is the conversation? Nowhere useful, that’s for sure.

Most people determine to bluff their way through a veiled confrontation for as long as possible. Some are very good at it! Don’t provide the opportunity. If what you really want to say is “Your job is on the line,” then say that. Clearly, cleanly, and calmly.

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