Fatal Reflection by Cahill Chrissy;

Author:Cahill, Chrissy;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
Published: 2019-11-29T00:00:00+00:00

Alexandra Wrote:

Moving Forward

This illness has held me back for so long. It’s had me gripped in its clutches like a devil from hell.

Desperately trying to stop me from moving on, but from stopping me moving, on all I do is go backwards or stand still.

Time drifts by, days into months, months into years. I’ve lost count of the time I’ve wasted thinking about food and exercise… Food and exercise… How to avoid food and how to do more exercise.

Torturing my body with endless exercise; jogging, walking, dancing, aerobics, hour after hour, day after day, wanting to stop, wanting to rest but frightened to give in because I want to weigh less. No food consumed, nothing passes my lips, not a morsel or a crumb to devoid myself of feelings and make myself feel numb. But what is the help in doing this to myself? Where does it get me? Just halfway to hell. I can’t sleep, can’t relax, can’t work or see friends. Anorexia controls my life and drives everyone else around the bend.

It’s only now that I can look back and see where I’ve gone wrong, but I’ve still lost a lot of my life, so many years have been and gone. I feel more determined. I can see the road that lies ahead, everything seems clearer, I don’t feel weighed down like lead.

Time will heal all the worry I’ve caused but I need to prove to myself, so people know it’s not false.

I’m halfway at present between paradise and hell and I’m looking to my future and coming out of my shell.

The deadly clutches of anorexia are loosening its grip which leaves me facing my fears so I’m liable to slip.

But I’ll fight a strong fight and push myself to go on because I want to be well and I want to live on.

It takes time, it takes effort, it takes will to succeed but I need to work through my feelings and discover my needs.

With help I can do it, but I know it will be hard, but I’ll try my best to be honest and not to be on my guard.

I don’t want to go back, and I don’t want to be still, I want to move forward so I’m sure that I will.

Motivation pushes me and the will to succeed and the memory of a special friend I had makes me determined to achieve.

So, there’s new hope on the horizon.

A light at the end of the tunnel

Wishes and dreams and achievements become nearer

Life seems more exciting and inviting

And the future looks better.

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