Fashionably Fooled by Peterman Robyn

Author:Peterman, Robyn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Robyn Peterman
Published: 2020-03-29T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

Lizard wound up and destroyed a priceless crystal wall sconce with a swing of his damned bat. “Can’t believe I didn’t think of that,” he roared as he went for an irreplaceable onyx statue of an orgy. “That Mammy is good.”

“Yes,” I said, grabbing the bat before I had to decapitate him for property damage. “She is, and in exchange for her suggestion, she wants to be a general in the Demon Army.”

That rendered Lizard silent for a moment. He smacked loudly on his gum as he considered the ramifications of Mammy in the ranks.

“The army will be bald,” Lizard pointed out, lovingly touching his scruffy facial hair. “Not sure that’s gonna go over well.”

“The deal is off if she de-hairs even one of my warriors,” I explained, running my hands through my own hair and wondering if I’d made a grave mistake with Mammy.

My hair was as outstanding as was the rest of me. Whatever. I’d simply decapitate the old woman if she went for one single strand on my head.

“Per my orders, all the female Demons are due back in Hell by this afternoon. Anyone who doesn’t follow orders shall be banned from Hell and hunted down. Am I clear?”

“You are, my liege. I’ll make that shit happen,” Lizard said. “What about your daughters?”

I paled a bit just thinking about the seven thorns in my ass. “What about them?”

“Are we calling them back to Hell?”

I thought about it then shook my head. “Does the gum ever fail?” I inquired. If it was foolproof, then we’d already determined the innocence of my unpleasant spawn—well, at least as far as destroying my party went. Hell only knew they were guilty of a myriad of other offenses.

“Gum never fails,” Lizard assured me, chomping away with a grin.

“Then no. We do not need to retrieve them to be sniffed by Murry. Plus, they’d probably kill him,” I added.

Lizard nodded and shuddered. No one liked my offspring.

“What about Dixie?” Lizard asked, speaking of my eighth daughter.

“I can assure you Dixie is not involved in any way,” I said. “She’s the only good one I’ve got.”

“Couldn’t agree more, Sire,” Lizard agreed. “Nicest Demon in the Universe.”

“Yes,” I said with a shrug. “I do wish she was a little eviler, but one can’t have everything. However, her sisters more than make up for it. None of my children need to be sniffed.”

“Probably a good thing considering the Seven Deadly Sins are incarcerated in Paris for grand larceny and lewd behavior,” Lizard informed me with a chuckle.

It was lovely that someone found their antics amusing. I did not.

“What a surprise,” I said with an eye roll.

“You want ‘em bailed out for the party?” he inquired.

It was a conundrum. I really didn’t want them here, but it might look bad to Steve Perry if my evil offspring weren’t present. Although, they had kidnapped him for my Christmas gift a few years back. Wait. I could make them apologize and grovel on their knees before my hero.

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