Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Willard F. Harley Jr

Author:Willard F. Harley, Jr. [Willard F. Harley, Jr.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FAM029000, FAM030000
ISBN: 9781585587018
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2001-09-01T03:00:00+00:00

Historical Honesty

Whenever you and your spouse make a decision together or try to resolve a conflict, one factor that must never be ignored is your past. That’s because mistakes and successes of the past often provide evidence of what’s likely to happen in the future.

While many people feel that embarrassing experiences or serious mistakes of the past should be forgotten, most psychologists recognize that these are often signs of present weakness. For example, if someone has had an affair, he or she may be vulnerable to another one. If someone has ever been chemically dependent, he or she is vulnerable to drug or alcohol abuse in the future. By admitting your past mistakes openly, your spouse can understand your weaknesses, and together you can avoid conditions that tend to create problems for you.

No area of your life should be kept secret. You should answer all of your spouse’s questions fully and completely, with special attention given to periods of poor adjustment in your past. Not only should you explain your past to your spouse, but you should also encourage your spouse to gather information from those who knew you before you met him or her. I have encouraged couples considering marriage to meet with several significant people from each other’s past. It’s often a real eye-opener!

Carry this Policy of Radical Honesty about your past all the way to the disclosure of all premarital and extramarital sexual relations. Those experiences are among your most important experiences in life, and your spouse should know anything you regard as important. Past sexual experiences also create a contrast effect in marriage, and it’s inevitable that you will compare your spouse sexually with all other past sexual relationships. Knowing your sexual history can make present sexual problems much easier to understand.

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