Easy For You To Say by Melendez "Stuttering" John

Author:Melendez, "Stuttering" John [Melendez, "Stuttering" John]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rare Bird Books
Published: 2018-10-15T16:00:00+00:00

My Favorite Jackie Story

Jackie used to write jokes for Jackie Mason in Jackie Mason’s Midtown apartment. One day, Martling wrote Mason a really good political joke. Mason said, “Did you write this, Jackie?” Martling said that he did, and Mason responded, “You, my friend, are a genius.” Martling couldn’t have been more thrilled and proud of himself. Later on, they walked into the elevator, and it had an elevator man who had to pull the cage-like door shut before you can go down to the lobby. Mason said to the elevator man, “First floor,” and the elevator man pulled the door shut, and Mason said to him, “You, my friend, are a genius.”

Poor Jackie. We had some fun times, though. I remember when Howard had a party at the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Plaza, 30 Rock, like forty-two stories up. The bathrooms were jammed, so Jackie and I smoked a joint near the elevator shaft and then we both took a leak down the grate, our urine probably turning into ice by the time it reached the bottom.

The best was when we were in Philly. We all took a bus there from our studio in New York to do the funeral show of John DeBella. We were at a posh hotel and we all got fucked up—well, at least I did. Howard and Jackie were in a bathtub with Jessica Hahn, who was a Playboy centerfold and fresh from the Gene Profeta Televangelist sex scandal. She had these huge gorgeous tits, and they were all in the bath. Howard called me and told me to jump in the bathtub, which I did. I came running in the room and jumped into the tub. Jessica was repulsed, and allegedly the water turned black.

As we were on the bus ride home, Jackie fell asleep, so I took Jessica’s lingerie and slipped it into Jackie’s suitcase. When Jackie got home, thankfully he realized it was there and immediately buried it in his backyard before Nancy could find it, although it was too late to quell her anger that brought on the infamous Jackie speech: “I want to take this moment to apologize to my wife, Nancy. What I did was stupid, it will never happen again…I love you…and, Howard, please don’t make a mockery of this.”

Ugh! I think my dick might have curled into my abdomen. Great radio, though—although I’m sure that’s not what he intended. Poor Jackie. There he was, apologizing to a woman who banged some dude on the front lawn of a Long Island home.

Then again, man, the things we do for love…

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