Dump That Chump! by Dr. Debra Mandel

Author:Dr. Debra Mandel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

I’ve ruined his life. He won’t survive without me.

You do not have the power to ruin a guy’s life unless you hold him hostage and make him dependent on you for his survival needs. And I highly doubt that you participated in any such prisoner-of-war games. Just as he can’t be the sole source of your happiness and he doesn’t have the power to ruin your life, you shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for what happens to him. The guy had and has choices for what to do with his life, just as you have choices about yours. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but if he doesn’t survive without you, which I highly doubt, then that’s because he chooses not to. Besides, most chumps simply move on to other willing prey. Unfortunately as long as women continue to be plagued by low self-esteem and society continues to condone toxic male behavior, then there’s always going to be another willing participant for him to pounce on.

Granted, some behaviors qualify as far more toxic than others. And the chump you’ve dumped may be of the milder ilk. But you still have nothing to feel guilty about unless you’ve actually done something wrong, like threatening him with harm. Even if you’ve resorted to such desperate measures, unless you’ve actually followed through with the threats, you still don’t have to hold yourself responsible for his actions henceforth. Regardless, it’s not going to help you move forward with your life if you dwell on how he’s going to manage his. Do you think he’s sitting around wondering whether he’s ruined your life? And even the most remote chance that he is, then why didn’t he try to make things better when you were actually a couple? These are the types of questions to ask yourself to give you a hefty dose of reality: You did not ruin his life!

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