Deja Vu by Liz Leiby

Author:Liz Leiby [Leiby, Liz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-09-07T18:30:00+00:00

Mac

It’s been twenty-three days since I kissed Jessie Matthews and there hasn’t been a day I haven’t woken up wondering if this will be the day I can do it again. Until she walked through the doors of the study room tonight I’d pretty much counted today as a wash.

I had hope there for a minute.

But now…

It’ll be twenty-four days.

I slump back in the chair, downing the rest of my beer and tossing the empty cup on the ground. I drag my hand down my face.

Goddammit.

She wanted to kiss me. I could see it in her eyes. Something is different between us now, and it makes me feel like I’m on fire. It’s one thing to have a crush on someone from a distance, and quite another up close. The shared longing glances. Touching them just to feel their skin against yours. Teasing them just to see a smile light up their face. Talking about nothing at all just to keep them around. And they’re doing all the same things back to you.

She was doing all those things back to me.

I leave the party without saying goodbye to anyone. The cool night air hits me like a slap in the face.

As if not getting to kiss Jessie isn’t bad enough, it turns out I’ve been an absolute fucking idiot about the Halloween party. She really has no idea it was me. She hasn’t been playing a game. She was never playing a game. She was never doing any of it for my attention.

She really had no fucking clue.

I thought maybe it was a stretch. Especially after I ran into her and Jade and she said she’d gone looking for the guy. But I thought maybe her friend was just egging her on and that maybe Jessie just…really didn’t want to talk about it.

But tonight. Tonight I saw the very real frustration of a girl who got ghosted by a stranger. She was being so vulnerable, and she would have said something tonight if she knew it was me. But she didn’t.

And now it is way too late for me to say something to her.

The pain in her eyes when she talked about her mom lying to her. About her mom keeping a secret from her for years. I’ve been keeping a secret for less than a month.

But now I’m going to keep it forever.

There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m going to tell Jessie it was me. If I tell her now, it’s done. She’ll never speak to me again, and all this will be over.

If I didn’t like her so much I probably wouldn’t care, but I do like her. I like her a lot.

And I think she likes me too.

And I’m not willing to lose her.

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