Date or Soul Mate? by Neil Clark Warren

Author:Neil Clark Warren [Warren, Neil Clark]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Christian Publishing
Published: 2018-09-02T00:00:00+00:00

WHAT DETERMINES EMOTIONAL HEALTH?

In my opinion, emotional health begins with a well-constructed self-concept. This means knowing yourself well, being well defined, and feeling good about yourself. Any person who suffers from a self-concept that has been poorly developed over time will usually show signs of an emotional health deficiency, which may be something as mild as low self-esteem expressed in the form of unnatural shyness and quietness, or something as overpowering as an explosive anger problem.

I watch communication patterns for signs of a well-developed or poorly developed self-concept. For instance, when I talk with someone who is healthy, our conversation has a natural flow to it. We take turns talking and listening, and there is a good pace to our dialogue. The conversation progresses smoothly because we both listen carefully to each other’s points, and we respond to them. We each stay on the subject and respect what the other is saying.

On the other hand, when I encounter people who have a hard time looking me in the eye while they talk to me, I begin to wonder what’s going on within them. If they never initiate conversation, if they seldom respond to my comments, or if there is little indication that they are following the general line of our discussion, I suspect they are experiencing the anxiety that almost always comes from a lack of self-confidence.

I reach the same conclusions if the other person won’t stop talking. If you pursue the roots of this problem, you’ll almost always find that the individuals aren’t sure of their worth, so they try to compensate by controlling the conversation. This kind of defensive behavior keeps a relationship from flourishing. When communication is poor, the relationship is sure to suffer.

I don’t immediately conclude that these people are incapable of a long-term relationship. What I do conclude is that their interpersonal skills are not yet well developed and that their ability to form a relationship is probably handicapped by their low self-esteem. If these problems continue even after the stress of the early dating stages has lessened, the relationship is bound to have some trouble.

Significant communication problems like these are a tip-off to other, possibly more serious, underlying emotional issues. The presence of these symptoms does not mean a relationship is doomed. But they sharpen my hearing, and I watch closely for other signs of an inadequately developed self-concept.

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