Creating Compassionate Kids by Shauna Tominey

Author:Shauna Tominey
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2018-12-04T00:00:00+00:00

IV

You are part of the world around you: Fostering resilience

MAYA GOLD WAS A TEENAGER with a big heart. She was well liked by her peers, had close relationships with her family and friends, and had dreams of working with orphans in Nepal after graduating from high school. Before Maya had a chance to pursue that dream, she took her own life. Maya was 15. Her family and the community she left behind were stunned and heartbroken. Maya did not exhibit any of the warning signs that are often related to being at risk for suicide. She was not clinically depressed or socially isolated. Her untimely death was related to the use of a psychoactive combination of over-the-counter drugs popular among some teens in Maya’s high school. Parents and teachers alike had no idea how widespread the problem was.

Maya’s family turned their grief over the loss of their beloved daughter to positive action and created the Maya Gold Foundation, which aims to “empower youth to access their inner wisdom and realize their dreams.” I had the honor of co-hosting a workshop on emotional intelligence sponsored by the foundation. The workshop was an opportunity to bring parents and teens in Maya’s community together to share feelings and practice positive communication. My own daughter had just turned six. When she asked me where I was going and what I was doing, I debated how much to tell her about Maya. In the end, I decided to tell her everything I knew about Maya, from her life goals to her loving family to her suicide. Other families might not have made this same choice, but I saw this as an important opportunity to talk with my daughter about something that might be every parent’s worst nightmare—the death of their child.

Talking about suicide or death with a young child can be a scary thing. Most parents don’t like to see their child feeling sad, scared, depressed, or hopeless, and these are the feelings that a topic like suicide can bring up. We would prefer that our children live in a world where they feel happy, loved, and supported at all times, but unfortunately, this isn’t the world we live in.

It’s impossible for a parent to know all the challenges their child will face, but there are things parents can do to foster resilience. Fostering resilience means arming children with skills that will help them navigate challenges and adversity. Children who demonstrate resilience are those who bounce back from challenges, or even thrive as a result of them. Fostering resilience doesn’t have to begin with a conversation about suicide. There are many things parents can do and many conversations parents can have to arm their children with protective factors—factors that minimize the negative impacts of adversity. Protective factors linked to resilience include warm and responsive parenting, having a secure and trusting relationship with an adult, being able to manage intense emotions and cope with stress, and having the skills needed to create lasting friendships and build networks of social support.

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