Bouncing Back From Rejection: Build the Resilience You Need to Get Back Up When Life Knocks You Down by Leslie Becker-Phelps

Author:Leslie Becker-Phelps
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Family & Relationships, Love & Romance, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Self-Esteem, Psychology, Interpersonal Relations, fear of rejection;attachment theory;attachment style;resilience;growth mindset
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2019-12-01T05:00:00+00:00

Burning Yourself Out

Sometimes it may seem like you are a perpetual motion machine in taking care of life’s to-do list, but you also feel like you are just doing what’s necessary. Anything less and other people will have no use for you. Still, you have to admit that it takes a lot of effort. You might even feel like there is something wrong with you for having to work so hard.

Some downsides to your massive efforts—to your almost constant busyness and actions—are that you seem to always feel deeply unfulfilled, at the end of your rope, or like you have no gas in your tank. But slowing down might not feel like an option. You may fear that this would only reveal your flawed self to everyone…and that would lead to the unacceptable fate of them dismissing, abandoning, or rejecting you. Yet, continuing at your current pace feels impossibly draining.

If you are nodding as you read this, then it is extremely important that you understand: Life does not need to be this way. There are people who do their best, take care of themselves, and have a positive self-image, despite not being the best at something or not meeting their own or others’ expectations. Not only are these people often outwardly successful, but they also feel good as a person even when other people don’t like them, are critical of them, or outright reject them.

With this in mind, reflect on your efforts to perform well and their effects on you.

Are You Doing Too Much?

To determine whether you are working too hard, choose a situation in which you think you are acting in an extreme way, such as regularly working 70 hours a week or never saying no to a friend’s requests. Then, do the following:

Make a pros and cons list. The pros side of your list might include that you feel like a good friend or you are excited about advancing at work. On the cons side, you might note that you have no time for friends or activities that you enjoy. For people who stay motivated through self-criticism, the cons list will also include things like continual self-doubt and general unhappiness despite any successes.

Reflect on your list. Ask yourself, “Does this ultimately make me happy or feel fulfilled?” If you accept that you are making sacrifices now for the future, consider whether there will really be a time when your actions will lead to a sense of success and fulfillment. If you realize that you are not happy and expect that you will forever be chasing approval, be clear with yourself that your excessive efforts are not working well, even if you are outwardly succeeding in the moment.

Consider an alternative approach in which you accept your needs and your limits. Imagine choosing a more balanced life. Fears of failure and rejection will undoubtedly arise. As they do, challenge the criticism that probably accompanies them. For example, question whether you would really think less of a colleague or friend who led a more balanced life.

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