Body Language For Dummies by Elizabeth Kuhnke

Author:Elizabeth Kuhnke
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2012-01-02T16:00:00+00:00

Figure 9-12: A woman offering her hand first shows she’s in charge.

Conveying attitude

Some people shake hands as if they’re Attila the Hun about to put you in your place. Others remain passive and detached, barely offering you a fingertip. Still others present you with a cold, clammy hand reminiscent of a wet mackerel. How people shake hands tells you a lot about them, their attitude, and their feelings about the person they’re about to touch.

University of Alabama professor William Chaplin and his students examined the relationship between personality and styles of handshakes. They found that extroverted and emotionally expressive people are inclined to shake hands firmly whereas neurotic and shy people don’t. They also found that women who have an open attitude to new experiences use a firm handshake.

The bone cruncher

Before you can stuff your hand in your pocket, the Bone Cruncher is there, turning your knuckles into pulverised bone. These people seem to have an overly aggressive attitude to compensate for their ineffectualness. The Bone Cruncher is to be avoided when it comes to shaking hands because you can do little to counter the action.

To avoid a potentially painful handshake, both men and women should avoid wearing rings on their right hands in a business context.

If you think that your hand has been purposely crunched, say ‘Wow! That’s one strong grip and it really hurt!’ You’re letting the person know that you’re onto her game. This has even more impact if other people are present observing the interaction. She’s unlikely to play that trick again.

George lacks social skills and is unaware of how much pressure he puts into his handshakes. He unconsciously makes up for his social ineptness by putting an extra hard squeeze into his grasp. Women find it especially uncomfortable to shake hands with George. He squeezes their hands so forcefully that women have sometimes walked away from having shaken hands with George sporting red welts where their rings have cut into their fingers. One friend mused, ‘If he does that shaking hands, I wonder what happens when he kisses you?’

The wet fish

If you’ve ever been presented with a totally limp hand to shake, you know how unconnected it feels when your hands meet. People who refuse to commit to a handshake tend to be self-important and aloof. Granted, surgeons and concert pianists need to guard their fingers and are known for their soft handshakes. And people who have to do a lot of shaking also offer a relaxed hand in order to protect their fingers.

Some people offer the uncommitted handshake for other reasons. Some women think that it’s appealing to present themselves as submissive to both men and women (see Figure 9-13). Very strong people sometimes offer a soft handshake as a way of highlighting their physical power. If a person’s lacking in confidence, she also holds back from making a connection.

Bonnie comes from Dallas, Texas, and works for a large investment firm in London. Her working environment is predominantly male. Although she’s highly accomplished, her boss and peers perceive her as being quite submissive.

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