Barbie: The Screenplay by Noah Baumbach & Greta Gerwig

Author:Noah Baumbach & Greta Gerwig [Baumbach, Noah & Gerwig, Greta]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Faber & Faber
Published: 2023-12-12T00:00:00+00:00

SASHA BARBIE MARGOT

WHAT IS THIS SONG?! (going on)

... and we have a female president!

BARBIE MARGOT

And it’s fun and work and friendship and female 24/7.

SASHA

Do giant hands come in and play with you?

BARBIE MARGOT

What? No. That’s crazy.

CUT BACK TO: VENICE BEACH. REAL WORLD

Mattel Executives talk to locals on the Boardwalk who tell them what they saw earlier.

MUSCULAR VENICE BEACH PERSON

(pointing indistinctly)

A blonde, a brunette and a tween roller bladed in that direction...

MATTEL CEO

(ominous)

The first step is always rollerblading.

AARON DINKINS MATTEL CEO

(he’s tagged along)

Excuse me, sir?

They’ve gone to Barbie Land.

AARON DINKINS

Oh no.

MATTEL CEO

And she brought humans there with her. This could mean extremely weird things for our world.

AARON DINKINS

Like what?

MATTEL CEO

Like nothing any of our collective imaginations COULD EVER DREAM UP.

Aaron Dinkins looks peculiar, trying to imagine.

EXECUTIVE #1

A podcast hosted by two wise trees? Or a choir of two thousand young fathers...

MATTEL CEO

Not even CLOSE.

(to the others)

We’ve got to get to Barbie Land! GO! Find some blades. Just pick a direction and run!

They scatter.

EXT. BARBIE LAND. DAY.

Gloria and Sasha are totally impressed by the beauty of BARBIE LAND as they drive by the ocean in Barbie’s convertible.

BARBIE MARGOT

(soaking it all in)

I can feel my heels lifting already. Yes, this is what I was supposed to do. Bring you back here!

GLORIA

(so happy)

It feels right!

BARBIE MARGOT

It does!

They pass the BEACH. Kens are playing volleyball a la Top Gun and the Barbies are cheering (reverse of beginning).

BARBIE MARGOT

That’s strange...

Also Kens race on the beach and hug triumphantly in the surf (a la Rocky III). Barbie Issa hands a Ken a beer.

BARBIE ISSA

Incoming brewski beer--

(she makes plane sounds)

BARBIE MARGOT

Uh, so that’s our president with the beer. And the cheering squad... is the supreme court?

BARBIE ISSA

This is so much better than being President!!

BARBIE MARGOT

Something’s weird today.

A Ken Mermaid leaps out of the surf and waves. You don’t think that’s a thing? Check this out:

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