Back to School with an Emu by Merv Lambert

Author:Merv Lambert
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: emu, school, fun, colin, scrote, fiction, kids book, merv lambert
ISBN: 9781783336142
Publisher: Andrews UK Limited 2014
Published: 2014-02-11T00:00:00+00:00

Barking Mad

Lord Barking, whose name was Harry, had just stepped into his bath. He raised his bowler hat, and scratched his mop of fair hair. He stood there for a few moments, thinking. No, nothing new came to him, so he climbed out of the bath, slung the bowler hat into a corner of the enormous bathroom, and put on his favourite trilby hat instead. Ah, that was better! He stepped back into the bath. He always thought better in the bath. That was why he was fully dressed. Of course there was no water in the bath itself. Tcha! Otherwise people would think he was mad! No, certainly not! Quietly he stood there for another five minutes, and then came to a conclusion. He didn’t know what to do!

For him the problem was, as always, his family. The whole lot of them were trying to force him to do something he did not want to do. They wanted to marry him off to any available youngish woman, provided that she was extremely rich. He groaned at the memory of one particular older one, whose name he couldn’t remember. She had made disgusting slurping noises spooning her soup through her moustache into her wide mouth. The only young woman he knew and had taken a fancy to lived in the nearby village and worked in a florist’s shop. Her name was Heather. She would be totally unacceptable to every member of his aristocratic and very snobbish family. All of them would look down upon her as a mere common person. He sighed wistfully, and her was just about to open the door of his suite of rooms, when there was a knock on it, and he heard the voice of Curzon, the butler saying, “My lord, may I come in?”

Harry opened the door himself, and said, “Yes. Come in, Curzon What is it?”

The butler, a tall, middle-aged man with a confident air, replied, “There is a gentleman downstairs, who has just arrived. He says he is a friend of yours, and asked me to hand you his visiting-card.”

Harry immediately glanced at the small rectangle of white card, and read the name on it. His face lit up with hope and joy. Perhaps help had arrived at last. He looked up from the card, and instructed Curzon. “Tell him I’ll be down immediately, and that he is most welcome.”

Although it must have been 10 years since they had attended Grumple’s Academy, it seemed to Harry and Colin that it was only yesterday. In Colin’s case that was indeed correct, for it was only yesterday in the 21 st century that he had been transported by his magic phoenix bookmark into Harry’s lifetime 10 years ago. Now, however, they both looked older than they had done at school. Harry was tall and broad-shouldered. Colin was now a head shorter than him, whereas before they had been of the same height. The 90 year time difference mattered not at all. Their greetings were interrupted by a soft woof.

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