All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

Author:Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider [Fein, Ellen]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: FAM029000
ISBN: 9780446549936
Publisher: Hachette Book Group
Published: 2008-10-31T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 4

Don’t Waste Time on Fantasy Relationships

IF YOU HAVE A good rapport with your doctor, lawyer, or accountant, you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. You’re not alone, but you may not be seeing the situation for what it is. How can you know for sure? It’s simple. Has he ever asked you out? Has he ever suggested having a drink, coffee, lunch, or dinner? If the answer is no, then he’s not!

This may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many women tell themselves it’s romance when a man pays them the slightest attention out of professional courtesy. We wrote this chapter to smash any delusions you might have about a fantasy relationship of your own. Unless he asks to spend time with you in a non-professional capacity, a relationship beyond business does not exist—and Rules girls don’t waste their time on nonexistent relationships!

The fact is, when a man is interested in a woman—including a female patient or client, employer or employee—he finds some way to ask her out. He may invite her to work out at his gym, attend a fund-raiser with him, or to play tennis over the weekend. He may not necessarily ask her out for a Saturday night date since that might be too obvious, or awkward, or forward, but he’ll figure out some way to see her outside of the office. This behavior is different from the professional courtesy of a physician or financial advisor, who might say, “Call me anytime,” which women mistakenly interpret as romantic interest.

Let’s examine three fantasy relationships and The Rules’s answers to remove any doubt you might have about a similar situation in your life.

Fantasy Relationship #1: Your internist of two years told you “beep me anytime” if your asthma acts up. He once told you to call him by his first name. He puts his arm around your shoulders when he escorts you out of his office. You just know he would ask you out if you weren’t his patient. And, naturally, you want to have a “talk” with him or ask him out!

The Rules answer: If a doctor is friendly, affectionate, concerned, and kind, then he’s doing his job. It’s not a come-on for a doctor to tell a patient to beep him or call the office “day or night” if his patient has asthma—people can die of asthma, and it’s his job to make sure his patients stay alive and well. Some doctors are informal (it’s okay to call them by their first name) and others are touchyfeely (they kiss all their patients hello and goodbye). It’s just good bedside manners—and good business—for a doctor to show warmth and caring. If he were romantically interested in you and uncomfortable about dating a patient, he would refer you to his associate and then ask you out.

Sure, it’s a little more complicated for a doctor, lawyer, or CEO to pursue a patient, client, or associate. But it’s not impossible. We’ve heard about bosses who’ve dated and even married their employees, even though it was frowned upon by the company.

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